The World According To Julie

Toy Box

2012-01-30T09:33:00.001-08:00

If you ask my girls what they want to be when they grow up, they'll tell you they want to be rock stars or archaeologists, detectives or spies, wizards or dragon farmers (and by this I mean someone who hatches, raises and trains dragons -- preferably the fire-breathing kind) and in Chloe's case -- a vampire.

And so, not surprisingly our toy box and book shelves are filled with things that center around these illustrious careers. We have night vision goggles, remote control helicopters, dragon figures, pirate ships, dinosaur bones, an impressive OLOGY book collection, and 3 Monster High dolls.

That's right.. 3 of them. 99% of the time these dolls sit on Chloe's dresser, posed in some ghoulishly frightening position, waiting for their chance to get played with. They wait you see, because the only time dolls get played with in this house is when we have company over.

This weekend for example, was one of those time. On Saturday the girls played Smurf village and spent the day setting up a Smurf village (tedious but necessary) and then took out their Model Magic clay and proceeded to make all the evil nasty Wizard things Gargamel would need for his laboratory. They never actually played with the village, they just wanted to make creepy spell books and plasticine skulls and potion bottles. That was fun.

On Sunday they decided to be spies. They spent the day (well the part when we weren't at the pool) running around the house with night-vision goggles on, recording strange message, making video recordings of Gunther and I at our computers and walkey-talkeying back and forth for hours. It was all very secret and hush-hush. I'm waiting to see if I find little piles of fingerprint dust anywhere.

And then, on Sunday night, their cousin came to visit and she asked to play dolls so the dolls came down. The dolls with fangs and pointy ears. The dolls that are supposed to be a teenaged vampire, werewolf and Frankenstein monster. The dolls that my girls find interesting in principle, but never actually play with. Only those dolls were too creepy so they had to dig out a bin of even older dolls they keep at home for just such an occasion.

Because you see, my girls don't really like dolls. They never really have except for a month or two when they thought they liked Bratz dolls (hence the bucket of dolls that never gets played with) and the Monster High dolls they insisted they would play with -- after 8 months they are still in like-new condition. These dolls who will be placed once again on Chloe's dresser until the next girl friend comes to play.

And to this I say "so what?" So my girls like vampires and monsters and Pokemon and Yugioh (I probably spelled that wrong). So my girls think dragons and magic and mummies and books about the most disgusting facts are cool and only want to read books with secret envelopes and decodable messages. So my girls think bugs and bats are adorable and would give their eyeteeth for a pet lizard. So what?

They're still girls, still female, still the precious people I think are creative and wonderful and full of imagination and possibilities. And if they don't like dolls? Well that's about 100 little shoes I never have to worry about finding matches for isn't it?

Let Me Tell You Something About Getting Older

2012-01-28T07:16:00.000-08:00

There's a funny thing that happens once you cross the threshold from 30 to 40 and it's kind of a magical thing if you ask me. Nobody expects you to look a certain way anymore.

In your 20s you're kind of forced fed this image of the way you should look -- the way you would look if you were beautiful/sexy/desirable and that was is always thin, busty, perfectly hairless, thin, with long thick hair, sporting lashes three times longer than the average human being, thin and most of all pouty and always always always looking "sexy" (at least Vogue's definition of "sexy.")

In your thirties, you struggle through this phase where you slowly let go of that look because you're married or you're a mom or you have a career. Many of us (myself included) go through a backlash period where we dress older than we are, more conservative, sometime even downright dowdy. Our identities have shifted from being the party-girl, the college co-ed, the free spirit and instead we embrace the maternal, the solid, the traditional.

But then somewhere along the way, you start to ease out of the Mom-mode -- and I would argue that this happens about the time your kids are in school -- and you find yourself in the push-up bra section, the V-neck section again, the knee high boot section. But it's not the same. This time you're dressing for YOU. Not for your friends, not for the boys you want to attract, not to make a good impression on your mother-in-law. Nope.

You're buying the clothes that YOU like, that make YOU feel strong and powerful and sexy (and this kind of sexy, this genuine kind of sexy is about feeling fun and flirty and self-confident and just a little impishly naughty and not about being all angry and pouty and looking like you're ferocious and unapproachable) and you're learning to shop for the body you have.

It's a liberating feeling to present yourself according to your own idea of the perfect image. For me it means super short hair, salt and pepper hair, plunging necklines, big bold chunky jewelry, being plus sized and still wearing clothes that conform to my shape (goodbye tenting T-shirts and yoga pants!), funky ankle boots and a smile -- oh do I love to wear a great big smile with my twinkly eyes. Gunther feel in love with that smile and those eyes so I know they're my very best feature.

And you know the funny thing? After two decades of trying (and failing) to conform to the look that the media's been trying to force down my throat, I've finally, and in my own perfect way, found the style that makes ME the most attractive, the most beautiful, the sexiest, and the happiest.

I embrace what I look like now, I revel in clothes that make me feel good and shoes that make me feel fun and funky. And you won't find them in a magazine and you won't see them on the red carpet and you'll never find them in fashion ads but you will see them on ME and I will rock those clothes with attitude. Because once you start dressing for yourself, you become the most beautiful YOU you can be.

Emergency BackPacks

2012-01-15T10:47:00.000-08:00

I've joined a de-cluttering group on Facebook and over the past few weeks have steadily been getting rid of stuff and organizing different areas of the house. One of the biggest junk-collection areas is the basement as it houses all the bigger toys (for both the kids and my husband). While going through one small area -- clearing the entire basement will likely takes weeks -- I came across a pile of unused backpacks. Instead of keeping them or tossing them, I decided to put them to use and since there were more than 4 of them, I chose the best 4 to create our Emergency Family Backpacks.

Now I'll be the first to admit we've never had to evacuate our house for any reason and we live in an area that isn't prone to any kind of natural disaster except maybe ice storms so we've lived quite well thus far without emergency backpacks. But I also think that 1) they're a good idea just in case and more importantly 2) I want my girls to know how to pack one if they ever need to get out of somewhere fast.

So thanks to the decluttering I have been easily able to find things for our packs. I also went out and bought a few things. I still need to buy a couple of lighters, some more food, a crank radio and get Gunther to photocopy our important documents and get some cash ready but I think we've made a pretty good start so far. I also plan on going through a few online checklists for things I may have forgotten.

Here's what I did:

I started with a change of clothes (two pairs of underwear and two pairs of socks) for everyone.

I added some non-perishable food for each of us (as well as a much needed supply of coffee essentials) -- I will buy more food next time I go shopping. I wasn't sure how much room would be left in the packs so I started light.

Then I added some survival essentials like Swiss Army Knives, crank flashlights, heat packs, lip gloss, hats/mittens/jackets, heat saving blanket, wipes and hand sanitizer.

And then I packed basic hygiene kits for each of us.

Finally some important first aid items including a 7 day supply of my prescription meds.

And that's where I am so far. They're not complete, but they're a step in the right direction. I plan on storing them in the hall closet which I should be able to do rather easily since Gunther's built me a new closet system and I've decluttered so have more room.

I know it's preachy but I do urge you to make emergency backpacks of your own. Even just having an emergency set of clothes put aside in case you have a fire or flood. It's just a good idea and it might make all the difference in the world.

For lists of what to pack in your own packs check here and here and here or just order one here. Stay safe!

12 Things I Want To Do In 2012

2012-01-09T05:15:00.000-08:00

Last year instead of resolutions I posted 11 things I wanted to do in 2011. I'm pretty sure I got most of them covered though I can think of at least one (taking a dancing class) that I didn't quite manage.

No matter. I still enjoyed the challenge and look forward to tackling 12 things I would like to do in 2012. So, without further ado and in no particular order... here are 12 things I would like to do in 2012:

1. Write my sister a letter every month. In ink. On pages. And get it in the mail before the 30th of every month (no cheating with emails or blog print outs).

2. Take the kids geocaching. At least once.

3. Remodel my kitchen. I'll give G a few more weeks before I start pushing harder but I want a new kitchen and I'm tired of waiting for one.

4. Finish the backyard -- come Hell or High Water even if I have to hire someone this WILL get finished this year. I can't believe we've let it drag on this long. GAH.

5. Take the kids to Quebec City.

6. Go to Medieval Times (I've wanted to do this for like ever!)

7. Go tobogganing if we ever actually get snow.

8. Eat at a fancy restaurant -- not a chain -- with my husband. I'm thinking here. G's been and said it's fantastic.

9. Spend time with my parents. They've FINALLY (HALLELUJAH!) retired! I couldn't be happier. I plan on going over to cook for them a few times this year.

10. Go back to England and actually tour a castle. And if possible go inside Westminster Abbey.

11. Submit my book for publication. And if that doesn't work, e-publish it. And if that doesn't work, print out a couple of dozen copies and send them to my friends. This of course means I have to finish editing it.

12. Try one new recipe a week. Something I've never made before and might even find a little intimidating. And blog about it of course ;)

Puzzling? Not Really.

2011-12-31T08:18:00.000-08:00

I do jigsaw puzzles. Not the 3-D kind -- those are too flipping hard! but the flat lay on the table kind with interlocking pieces. If you come by my place on any given day there's a 50/50 chance there will be an in-progress jigsaw on the dining room table. Go ahead and plunk a few pieces in -- I'm not territorial about them; they're for everyone.

You see I didn't always like jigsaw puzzle. I'd say my fondness for them started about 5 years or so ago. I was strictly a 200-300 piece two to three times a year kind of person before but as the kids got older and we acquired more puzzles we started doing them more often. If I attempted a 500 piece one there would be much grumbling and I'd inevitably get Gunther to "help" me with the big blank spots and I swore he was crazy wanting to do a big 1000 piece one. I was sure that one would NEVER get finished.

But along the way, and as we worked out way through more puzzles I discovered something interesting. Gunther and I talk when we're working on the puzzles. We tease and joke and sing and play and it's actually FUN to work together. Not only that, but there is something really fulfilling about finishing one together. It reminds us that we can get things accomplished more easily, faster and with more enjoyment when we focus on it as a team.

I joke often that jigsaw puzzles are my marriage counseling and to be honest it's only half tongue in cheek. I have noticed that we are closer now than we were before, that we truly enjoy spending time together and that we are getting along better as a family now. Part of that is that the hard part of babyhood/toddlerhood is over and the girls can finally give us the much needed time, space and sleep we need to connect again. But part of it.. well part of it I'm sure is remembering how well we fit together.

Man On A Mission

2011-12-30T09:47:00.000-08:00

My husband is a collector. He has collected a few different things over the course of our 11 year marriage (which always seems strange to say to me because we've been together for 13 years and so what? the first 2 don't count? Do I say over the course of our 13 year relationship rather than our 11 year marriage? Never sure on that one.. but I digress) but the last few years his big thing has been blu-ray movies (and yes we collected DVDs before that so we have an s-load of those too).

But every November he stops buying movies. You see, come November he starts gearing up for Boxing Day. Boxing day to Gunther is what Christmas morning is to the girls. It's a day filled with endless possibilities where you just know magical wonderful things are going to happen and you'll spend the evening making piles of your new stuff and lovingly and excitedly cataloguing your loot. Boxing Day (or week) is what Gunther looks forward to all year long.

You can't really blame him. Not only does he have to follow me down to Ottawa every Christmas and spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with my family which celebrates Christmas Eve by stuffing our faces and then ripping through gifts like a band of rabid howler monkeys, but then he spends Christmas Day driving the 4-5 hours home again only to be greeted with a supper that's usually frozen pizza or some other ready made meal I picked up at Costco the week before.

But Boxing Day.. oh there's magic on Boxing Day. The night before he checks online for all the deals and makes lists by store of what he wants to hit and how much they should cost (because if he can't find it in one store you bet he'll get the other one to price match it.. oh yes he will!). And then armed with our cell phones we will send the kids off to the toy section of Best Buy, Future Shop and Walmart while G and I, each toting a basket or cart, meticulously set out to collect the Blu-Rays on the list. We are machines and nothing distracts us from our mission -- to gather the movies we want/need/might possibly be interested in/don't already own/or just seems like a deal too good to pass up -- and to get them for the lowest price possible.

This year we hit two Best Buys, three Wal-Marts and 2 Future Shops before I finally had to say ENOUGH and call it quits. We've likely purchased about 200 movies without ever paying more than $15.00 for any one and usually paying much less. Yes, that's still a lot of money. Yes, we probably don't need that many movies and yes, we're obvious examples of consumerism gone amuck -- but the only thing G gets under the tree every year is a Toblerone bar and gift cards (to Best Buy obviously) and it's the one thing (other than electronics to build a home server to store all the movies) that he spends his money on so who am I say to say no to him especially when he's the only bread winner in the family. Also, to be perfectly honest, it's the only money we spend on entertainment since we don't go out and rarely eat out anymore.

So yeah, I'll be watching some movies over the next few months. We don't have cable - we get free-to-air TV with an antenna so I should have plenty of time. All I can say is I'm glad that's over for another year... and super glad that Costco sells clubpack of popcorn!

Day After My 41st Birthday

2011-12-29T08:35:00.000-08:00

I turned 41 yesterday. It was a quiet day which included phone calls from my family wishing me a happy birthday. Gunther had to work and I wanted to have lunch with him so I packed us all up some lunches and the girls and I spent the day in the office boardroom while G worked in his office. Then we hit the library, Harvey's (my birthday tradition) and Loblaws. I love shopping at Loblaws and bought some great ingredients for recipes from the Looney Spoons Compilation cook book I bought myself for Christmas.

I'm excited to have so many wonderful flavourful foods in the house: fresh mint, cilantro, lime, lemon, fresh parsley, cherries, watermelon, etc. Over 80% of my cart was produce which just goes to show how empty my fridge was! We were down to a handful of apples and some cooking onions. Today I'm excited to make spring rolls and a ginger/orange pork stir fry with quinoa. Not sure if the girls will eat the quinoa (at least not without complaining) but it's time to take this family's health back in hand so they're going to get some with or without complaints!

I spent a lovely holiday with my family before my birthday and enjoyed much good food, good company and good port. I'm not generally a booze fan but this stuff is lovely. So good in fact that I plumb forgot about my annual glass of plum brandy. That's big people. My sister Carolyne's plum brandy is to die for!

I'll be going "home" again in February for a big Leap Year celebration. My sisters, who are foodies, put on a big 10 course meal on February 29th every 4 years because it's an extra day and extra days are to be celebrated. This will be the first year I'll be able to attend and I'm sooo excited to eat all the good food and enjoy the great company.

The girls will be home for the next week and a half. They got so spoiled over Christmas that I'm sure they'll have plenty to keep them occupied. I'm trying to spend more time in the real world and less online so I'm hoping that this new year will bring some interesting changes. I started by writing a real letter to my sister Marie. It wasn't long, but it was in ink and on paper and I even mailed it with a stamp and everything. Can't remember the last time I did that! I hope I do it again. I miss her and I adore her so I really do need to take the time to reach out to her more often.

Anyhow, that's some of what's going on in my life. I'm sure if you read this you've likely heard it all before from my FB updates. Still, it's probably a good idea for me to start writing here again -- might actually get those creative juices flowing again.

Be well,

Julie

My Posh Wishlist

2011-12-02T05:02:00.000-08:00

I'll be honest.. I'm not actually getting any of these items. I'll also admit that I'm already getting far more spoiled for my birthday/Christmas this year than any other so it's not like I have single thing to complain about -- I don't. But that doesn't mean that making up a dream wishlist isn't fun all the same...

So here you go; five items I would buy for myself if I won the lottery:

1. Giulia Shoes from Fluevog Shoes. At a mere $345 CAD they are an absolute bargoon no? I do covet them though. Ah feet.. wouldn't you like to shod yourselves in some wearable art?

2. Silpada's Sterling Silver Tassel Necklace. Coming in at $329.00, I'm thinking we need to get a set of matching Mother/daughter/daughters ones at the very least!

3. A red Vespa scooter. Prices range from $3,000 to $8,000 and I'd also need jazzy helmet, motorcycle licence and obviously motorcycle lessons... but I would totally rock that bad girl whose name would be Scarlett Crimson of course!

4. A Coach bag. Because every one I've bought I've given away and I somehow feel I need a Coach bag. This $439.00 would be nice:

5. And of course this Anne-Marie Chagnon bracelet -- an incredible bargain at $138.00 AND it's reversible so it actually counts as two bracelets at a dirt-cheap $69/bracelet.

Of course I'd also happily accept a brand new 3+car garage estate home, a British racing green Jaguar XJS with tan leather interior, tickets for a two week sail on any Royal Caribbean Cruise ship, and a pony.

Actually I'm just kidding about the pony ;)

Ho Ho Ho!

10 Cheap Food Gifts That Rock

2011-11-20T13:14:00.000-08:00

So here are some ideas of inexpensive gifts that are truly worth giving this holiday season. Hopefully you have most of the stuff you need to make them already on hand. If not, it should be relatively inexpensive to locate them.

A jar of AHA (American Health Assocation) Spice Mix. Show someone you care enough to help them reduce their sodium and add tons of flavour to their food (especially beef dishes). I use Jane Brody's recipe but I confess I've never added the mace so don't worry if you don't have any on hand.
Multigrain Pancake Mix. Healthy and like a warm hug on a cold morning. Again, I like Jane Brody's but there are tons of recipes on the web to choose from.
Spiced Coffee. Combine some ground coffee or instant coffee granules with any (or any combination of) the following: cinnamon, pumpkin spice mix, ground cardamon, nutmeg, ground vanilla bean, ground cocoa
Spiced Cocoa. Combine any package of instant hot chocolate with any of the spices listed above. Include some mini marshmallows if you have time.
A meal, frozen, labelled and in a container that makes it easy to reheat.
Some kind of quick-bread or muffins. Zucchini, banana, apple, blueberry, sweet potato, carrot, bran, whatever.
Homemade granola in an air tight container. Again, tons of recipes on the web and super YUM!
A recipe collection. Type up and print out a dozen of you favourite recipes and bind with a nice ribbon.
A loaf of Fresh Bread. Best given when still warm if possible. With bread machines this isn't a difficult one at all.
And if all else fails... cookies. They're always a favourite!

Here We Go Again.. Sigh

2011-11-20T07:43:00.001-08:00

I love Christmas. I love the lights and the scents and the presents and the food and the traditions and getting together with my family. I love decorating and going to School concerts and being part of the Holiday Basket Raffle and I love that the kids collect food for the foodbank and hats, mittens and scarves for other children.

We have many traditions as a family that include buying special ornaments to trim the tree, doing a family jigsaw puzzle on Boxing Day, celebrating with our neighbours, spending Christmas Eve with my family and the 27th with Gunther's. It's a very special time for us filled with happiness, love and fabulous memories.

And yet, every year there are tons of emails, blogs, tweets and status updates that suggest that my family isn't worthy of this celebration because we're not Christian. It doesn't matter that this is part of our heritage, that this is a tradition long held by both our lineages and that it's a government recognized holiday. It doesn't matter that some members of my family are Christian and want to celebrate with us or that my children didn't have a choice in their (lack of) religious affiliation. No, these posts/tweets/comments would have us abandon all of this because somehow they feel that our celebration for different reasons somehow cheapens their Christmas.

I'm reminded of the whole gay marriage/sanctity of marriage argument -- which quite frankly I feel is as much utter bullshit as the Christmas is only for Christians argument. What the holiday means to YOU, how it's significant to YOU can only be determined by YOU and not by how other people choose to celebrate or not.

But you know what? keep posting, keep challenging, keep trying to make those of us who are different feel left out and insignificant -- it'll just show how UN-Christian you really are because nothing say's Jesus Loves You like "we don't want your kind around here."

Recipe for a Happy Holiday

2011-11-18T04:48:00.001-08:00

Unlike most recipes, this one involves taking things away rather than adding them.

Recipe for a Happy Holiday:

1. Remove the expectation of perfection. Embrace the "good-enough" and the "it'll have to do." Perfection is a myth anyhow and Martha Stewart and Good Housekeeping magazines must be avoided like the plague.

2. Omit one tradition that you don't actually enjoy or that stresses you out. Just because it's the way you've always done things doesn't mean it's the way you will always have to do them.

3. Bake less. Bake if you need to but keep it to one or two of your favourites. Trust me when I say nobody needs 20 different kinds of cookies/squares.

4. Take away the gift giving stress and embrace Gift Cards. O.k. they're not the personal touch you want and yeah, they put a monetary value on your gift, but for teachers, daycare workers, bus drivers, postal carriers, etc., it's just way easier than trying to kill yourself to buy something personal for someone you don't even know. Also tweens and teens? They just want your money.

5. Buy half of what you did last year. If you're anything like me there are gifts your children received last year that they neither needed nor actually played with. Pare it down and let go of the guilt of not having a tree that looks like it threw up presents all over your living room.

6. Don't decorate the second floor of your home. And if you didn't decorate that before, then don't decorate one room in your house that you used to. Because you don't live in Santa's Cottage and you're going to get mighty sick of red green and gold by December 29th.

7. Halve your Christmas Card list. Let's face it, it's time consuming, expensive and there are probably more than half the people on your list who've never once sent you a card back. Trust me when I say, they won't mind not getting your card this year -- it'll actually relieve them of the guild of not getting around to reciprocating. Call them instead if you really need to touch base.

8. Let go of the guilt. There are going to be people that will give to you and you won't have something to give back. It's going to happen. Accept it for what it is... a lovely gesture and a sign of love. Let go of the accountant mentality that if someone gives something to you you have to give them something back.

9. Disdain last minute shopping. Accept that if you didn't get it already, you probably don't need it. The last place you want to be on December 24th is the mall. The second last place you want to be is the grocery store.

10. Free up your schedule. Make sure there are at least as many days where you don't have something planned as days that you do. Rest, relax and recharge.

And of course... Smile -- that way even if your holidays are crap, you'll still look fabulous in the photos :)

Not Quite The Birthday Present She's Been Asking For...

2011-11-09T05:10:00.000-08:00

Sarah turns 11 this year. She's still very young in both body and mind. She still plays with toys, still sleeps with stuffed animals, still likes playing outside and still watches Saturday morning cartoons.

Aside from some very minor physiological changes, her body remains very clearly that of a child. I suspect puberty is still a while in coming and for that I am grateful.

Because of the cutoff date and her premature birth, Sarah is in grade 6. Some of her friends have breasts. Some of her friends have started menstruating. Some of her friends are as tall (and *gasp* taller than me). We don't have junior high here in Ontario so it's hard for me to really focus on the fact that she's on the cusp of not really being a kid anymore.

And as such, there's a decision that I must make and make soon. The HPV vaccine.

I'll start by saying that I am pro-vaccine. My kids have gotten vaccinated without incident for everything for which there is a vaccine available. Given our lack of religious faith, I also have no objections to my daughters having sexual intercourse before marriage though I do hope that they both wait until they are both mentally and physically mature enough to deal with the repercussions.

So it's pretty much a given that Sarah'll be getting the vaccine this year. Had I thought to ask for it last year, she'd already be vaccinated. I'm less than thrilled to read that the vaccine is composed of 3 separate injections given over a period of a few months (I'm sure Sarah will be even less thrilled than I about that), but the fact remains, I will make this decision for her.

It does however raise and interesting point that I hadn't considered before. That there will soon come a time when my making decisions for her will stop. I'm hoping that by then, she'll be old enough and wise enough to realize that sometimes a little pain now is worth preventing a possible life threatening situation later.

** I just did more research online and discovered that the vaccine is offered at school to all grade 8 girls. I know by the time I was in grade 8 at least 2 of my classmates were already sexually active. Hmmm.. more decisions to make it seems.**

10 Christmas Gifts for Your Inner (or not so Inner) Geek

2011-11-08T12:51:00.001-08:00

A Jayne Cobb hat. Because you can't stop the signal and it'll keep your nerdy self warm. Bonus points is that you can't just buy one in a department store -- you have to get one handmade like on etsy. Just be careful there tho, most of the Jayne hats on etsy miss the point and look rather nice. A true Jayne Cobb hat must look like it was knit by gerbils on crack.
A "the hammer is my penis" cross-stitch. Preferably with pretty flowers and butterflies and birds surrounding it. Trust me on this one.
Math T-Shirts. Yeah I don't get them either.. but nerds do.
A steampunk watch. It should be copper or brass and have lots of gears and knobs showing. If it's a pocket watch even better.
Star Wars USB sticks. Darth Vader being the top choice here.
Hans Solo Ice Cube tray. FREAKING BRILLIANT!
Tardis teapot -- sadly they're backordered so you'll have to give an IOU until it comes.. but it's worth waiting for!
Something from the Stargate auction would be cool!
Any piece of clothing with the word "Frak" on it.
Pinky and The Brain seasons 1-2-3. NARF!

Cobwebs in the Basement

2011-11-07T08:17:00.000-08:00

My basement is mess. Testament to how awful it is is the fact that Chloe broke a lightbulb down there over two months ago and we haven't cleaned it up yet -- we've just banned the kids from going downstairs.

I confess I avoid the basement like it was some rank evil horror movie sound stage filled with jars of pickled body parts. It's not. It's filled with Gunther's junk.

Now I'll be the first to admit I have a bit of an issue with junk. I'm a purger. I don't like keeping things and I may have, once or twice, donated items that I've since come to regret not having anymore. This however is rare.

What's more frequent is my going downstairs, telling Gunther he's got to do something about the HUGE FRICKEN MESS in the basement, wishing him luck as he disappears down there for two days and then pulling a major face/palm when I see that he's just moved that stuff around, stacked it a bit differently, and opened and sorted through one or two of the many many many boxes down there. And by sorting through I mean put different items into smaller boxes that he didn't get rid of because they would be perfect for sorting things.

So my basement is a mess. A shattered lightbulb, broken/outdated/useless electronics graveyard where the only place anyone goes with any regularity is the small area dedicated to our home PC servers and to tell the truth Gunther spends more time with those than he does with us sometimes.

And every now and again I get this bug up my butt to tidy it up. To toss everything and list it all on Freecycle and just GET RID OF IT! so I can set the place up for the kids to play and maybe actually consider having our holiday potluck this year.

Until I remember that 1) even when it was tidy the kids didn't like playing down there and 2) when we do have parties and let the kids run wild down there we end up with things like shattered light bulbs.

It's a quandary alright.

Making Some Changes

2011-11-06T07:15:00.001-08:00

I got very angry with Sarah two days ago when I discovered that she'd ripped small holes in some of her Christmas presents (they were wrapped and stored) to see if she was getting the toy she wanted.

One of her punishments was that I told her I wouldn't buy her any more toys which meant that all she was getting was what I'd already bought and since I hadn't bought the laptop I had planned on getting for her, no laptop this year.

The other punishment was that she was banned from using my laptop indefinitely. This was very difficult for her and yesterday night, when the juice had run out on both her ipod and her DS she wailed that she was SO bored and had nothing to do.

This is when I reminded her of the many many MANY other toys, games and puzzles she had and before long, Chloe and Sarah were playing cards together and then playing board games together and sure enough, they were laughing and actually having fun... imagine.

So I took out a puzzle for G and me and sure enough, we sat down and worked together and chatted and laughed and enjoyed each other's company.

And this is how I came to decide that as a family we need to cut down on our screen time. So today, from 10:30 a.m. until 7 p.m. (when Once Upon A Time Comes on), we will be screen free. We will focus on other things, we will hopefully get things done and most importantly we will, I sincerely hope, interact and connect with each other.

Wish me luck. It's gonna be a rough ride!

10 Things That Are Making Me Happy Right Now

2011-11-05T15:16:00.000-07:00

1. Once Upon A Time -- the show is awesome and I love that the whole family can watch it together.

2. Elizabeth Hoyt's Scandalous Desires. I love me a Beauty and the Beast themed romance novel.

3. Pizza Days at school. I'm proud of how well they're going.

4. Spending more time with Jenn. Especially of seeing her in the coming week so we can go to A&E and get the red shirt I want for Christmas!

5. My winter coat. I can't remember how long it's been since I've had a winter coat. I love this one too.. it's an A-line Pea Jacket. I look gorgeous in it!

6. My new shoes. I really really like having girl shoes and with my wide feet they're hard to find.

7. Gunther. Gunther always makes me happy.

8. My Mom is recovering well from surgery. This makes me both happy and grateful.

9. Sarah is enjoying learning to play the clarinet. She can play Jingle Bells on it now.

10. Chloe's piano practice is actually starting to sound like real songs. Yankee Doodle and the Muffin Man are played at least 5 times a day here :)

Things You Should Know About Me

2011-10-15T08:39:00.000-07:00

I live in Canada. My husband makes good (o.k. pretty darn good) money hence we pay taxes. A LOT of taxes. We're talking almost half our income in taxes in some years. That's not counting the sales taxes, property taxes, school taxes, eco taxes, hst taxes, and all the other miscellaneous taxes that crop up. And I don't complain about it because I like living in a country with free health care, social programs, good education, parks, community centres, arts in the school, and one year maternity leave. So don't bitch about taxes to me. I've likely got you beat.
My husband is a landed immigrant. Most of my children's classmates are either immigrants of kids of immigrants. And, I will assure you that while some older immigrants do not speak English (and this is almost always the elderly who are brought over to take over child care for their grandchildren) I have yet to meet a second generation immigrant who is not fluent in English. Frankly, I don't have a huge problem with waiting a decade or two for people to catch up -- especially when they're contributing members to society during that time. Trust me when I say, a 70 year old Chinese woman is not after your job. And while it is not an optimal situation, do you really think it's a better choice to have people leave their elders in poverty and danger in their home countries instead of bringing them somewhere safe? Would you?
My sister was on welfare for two years. At 25 she got pregnant and she still had two years of University left to finish. Yes she could have quit school, gotten a job, put her baby in daycare and taken night classes to finish her degree (in Lord knows how many years) instead of "milking" the system, but instead she chose to accept help for two years during which time she finished her degree and went on to get a high paying government job she never would have been able to get without her B.A. Within 5 years (a period when she would STILL be taking night classes if she hadn't gone on Welfare) she was making a high enough paying salary to land her in a tax bracket that resulting in her paying pack all the money she'd been given in three years. You can understand why I might not agree with you about all welfare recipients being leeches and abusing the system.
I had a miscarriage with my second pregnancy. During Chloe's delivery via C-Section my ob-gyn told me that the lining of my uterus was so thin that trying to bring another pregnancy to term might kill me and the baby. I was already getting a tubal ligation and that only cemented my decision. I have taken permanent steps to never get pregnant again. However, I have also made the decision that if I ever did get pregnant, my life came first. So yes. If I had to, I would get an abortion. I wouldn't be happy about it, I would not do it glibly or without grief, but ultimately, I would save the life I could. And that's just one of the reasons I will never be pro-life.
I don't believe in God. My children are welcome to believe as they like but I don't push any one belief system on them. They go to school with Jewish, Christian, Buddhist and Muslim children. I live in a multicultural area so there is no religious majority here. I respect everyone's right to practice their own religion and expect the same in return. So if I get pissy about your preaching reinstating prayer in schools or handing out religious Halloween tracts, it's because I don't go handing your kids bacon and condoms so I expect the same courtesy from you.

So these are things you really should know about where I stand and why. You can take me or leave me, but don't say I never came clean.

Snowflake Syndrome

2011-10-05T05:11:00.000-07:00

I was at a school council meeting last night where several proposed initiatives were questioned or shot down because it was worried that not all children/families would have the means/opportunity to participate. Some of these initiatives were passed through regardless (with a caveat from the principal that those students who might not have the financial means to participate would be seen to by the school's funds) but most were rejected.

As cold-hearted as it sounds, this irked me. I argued then, as I will argue now, that it is frustrating and near impossible to tailor each and every one of our activities so that they are perfectly accessible to each and every one of our over 500 students.

Now I firmly believe that all children should be able to participate in some activities, but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect that sometimes, some children are going to have be told that the initiative in question just isn't going to work for their family.

I'm not just talking about activities that involve money. Some are points based activities, some are themed events that some parents might take issue with, some are volunteer based. So while not every child might be able to participate in every activity, every child should be able to participate in some activities.

This doesn't seem horrific to me. In fact, we already have several of these type of initiatives in place: milk program, pizza day, popcorn day, Scholastic, sports teams, social groups, band. Each of these activities is already in place and each will limit participation to some degree and yet introducing new activities that might not include everyone is met with fears of crushing our precious children's psyches.

I get it that we don't want a child to feel left out or unfairly marked, but when did we get so concerned with bruising our children's egos that we felt the need to shield them from all possible types of disappointment? Why is it so hard for parents to say "you know what sweetie, we're not going to do this because it's too expensive, or too time consuming, or because you're allergic, or ___________, but we will do ___________ when it comes around next month."

I have said no to my kids more than once. They have learned to deal with it. They accept it and they move on. Because disappointment is part of life and teaching my kids how to work through it is part of my job as a parent. Yes, school activities should aim to include as many children as possible and yes, students need to be given many opportunities to participate so that if they can't do one activity they have the option to do another, but denying an activity to the whole school because some children might not be able to participate just doesn't feel right to me. Least that's how I see it.

Christmas Shopping

2011-10-03T10:09:00.000-07:00

I'm notorious as being an early Christmas shopper. One of the biggest reasons for this is that I have taken a vow not to go anywhere near a mall in the month of December -- it's too stressful and unpleasant.

So yes, I've started my Christmas shopping and yes, I'm more than half way done and yes, what has been bought has already been wrapped so I'm nearing the finish line.

There are some gifts that are traditional and come back year after year. For the girls, it's a pair of new PJs, a new puzzle, a book (or 5) and a Christmas ornament. I try to pick ornaments that meant something to them that year so that when they grow up and leave home and have Christmas trees of their own, they will have memories of their (hopefully happy) childhood Christmases to hand on their own branches.

So far they have some Mario ornaments, Care Bear ornaments, Nightmare Before Christmas ornaments, Baby's first Christmas ornaments, Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer ornaments and this year they will get a cowgirl hat and pony ornament that I bought when in Alberta this summer.

Things will be a bit leaner this year so we're trying to be more judicious in our gift-giving. Sarah desperately wants a remote control helicopter (why I have no idea) and Chloe's biggest wish seems to be Sushi Pack plushies so both those items will make their way under the tree. I've also picked up some great bargain books on aliens, spies, dragons and monsters which will make the girls very happy. They want more -ology books but they're so expensive and while they are worth it, the books I did get will do the trick just as well I think.

Chloe is still terribly enamoured with all things plush, much to my dismay, so there will still be more cuddly toys under the tree than I would like, but overall I think we shall have a very good Christmas even if it will be our first year without the Jolly Ol' Elf. I have already chosen Gunther's gift to me (I refuse to hint or be disappointed so I just said "you're buying me this," bought it and brought it home and wrapped it) and with the help of my friend Bobbi's Scentsy business and my mother-in-law's beautiful jewelry creations, I really only have a few more things to pick up and I will be done and able to relax.

The other added bonus of course, is that my wonderful sister and brother-in-law have offered to let me store stuff in their garage so when I go home for Thanksgiving this weekend I can start bringing presents with me. This will definitely be helpful because I always seem to have an overflowing trunk come Christmas :)

In Defense of Faith

2011-09-30T05:09:00.000-07:00

A woman on the fitness site I use wrote a blog yesterday about religion. She was very anti-religion and compared belief in God to belief in the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and purple unicorns. She urged people to think logically and rationally and to stop believing in things that could not be proven. She was rather adamant that we should demand proof for such things especially when they lead to doctrines that subjugated women and children.

This is what I wrote back:

I have been an Atheist most of my life. I was once as anti-religion as you are but having met some truly good people who have shared their Faith with me, I have come to understand that the reason it is called faith is because it's something you feel in your heart and not something that can be logically or scientifically proven.

Does that make it less real? Does that make it something to be dismissed or derided? I show you a great work of art and I tell you that it is Art and Inspirational and Powerful and you ask me "why?" and all I can tell you is that you must Feel it. I can talk to you about lines and contrast and shading and texture but in the end, what makes it Great Art is undefinable, indefensible, but exists nonetheless.

Faith is a powerful and wonderful thing. It eases the heart, lifts burdens, creates an aura of positivity and strength. It can harm and it can kill but it can also move mountains and send us soaring.

I have great respect for Faith and even for religion though it is more easily corrupted. I have seen it glowing in the eyes and hearts of true believers and I have felt its presence even if it's never taken root in my own heart.

I no longer mock Faith or feel the need for Proof. To do so, in my humble opinion, is to miss the point entirely.

Just something to think about.

________

Now it took me a long time to get to this place and I spent more than a decade believing just as that woman did and secure in the belief that I had it right and the rest of the non-Atheists were deluding themselves. I'm glad I don't think that way anymore and I thank my friends, Jennifer, Helen, Gretchen and others, for helping me let go of my anger towards religion. I may not have Faith, but I think yours is a wondrous thing.

Re-Learning The Language Of Love

2011-09-16T10:01:00.001-07:00

Different people express love in different ways. My husband and I are always very verbal with the "I love yous" and that is lovely and meaningful.

Gunther's also really good about showing me he loves me by doing my two favourite things: scratching my back and rubbing my feet. These are the two things that make me happiest and while it'll likely come off as bragging, I can honestly say that he does those two things almost every day. Because he loves me and it makes me happy.

There are two things that Gunther really appreciates too. He likes having a nice supper on the table when he gets home (this I do) and a clean house (this I am absolutely lousy at). I could give you a song and dance about how it's a big house (not THAT big) or how I'm busy (I'm a SAHM with two kids in school full time.. yeah right) or how I have better things to do (Facebook and jigsaw puzzles), but the truth is, 100lbs ago cleaning the house was hard and really was at the limits of my energy level.

Today? not so much.

Now I'm just lazy and since I can get away with only doing the bare minimum (and I really mean absolutely bare minimum) that's all I do. Because housework is boring and tedious and pointless. Only now I realize that there is a point after all.

See scratching my back and rubbing my feet is probably boring and tedious to Gunther though I make sure to make lots of pleasure moans and gasp the occasional expletive to keep it interesting for him. But he does it because I love it and he loves me. So now it's my turn.

Enough with the excuses, enough with the laziness, enough with finding 101 other more entertaining things to do. It's time for me to reclaim my house from the clutter and dust and smear marks and half withered plants. It's time for me to start showing my wonderful amazing husband how much I love him at least a little bit (probably a lotta bit) more than I do now.

I know how happy it makes him because he always notices when I do it and always compliments me when I do. For him, it's one of the best ways for me to say I love you. I love you Gunther.

Project Life Improvement 2011

2011-08-28T17:35:00.001-07:00

So another summer is winding down and it has been, by far, the very best summer of our lives. We have focused on family, spending time with the kids, exploring our own country, spending time out of doors and trying to spend more time together.

In a week's time it'll be back to school for the girls and hopefully, once the weather cools in the fall we will start the work on our backyard which is desperately in need of attention.

I am feeling very content and happy about our lives and our choices this summer. However, as always, there is room for improvement. So, for the rest of the year I will try to dedicate each week to a particular project be it decluttering, eating healthier, trying new recipes, finding new ways to be physically fit, etc.

Since it's always best to start out the school year with a clean fresh slate, this first week of PLI2011 will be dedicated to decluttering. The girls don't have camp this week so together, they and I will go through the house room by room and do some necessary organizing and purging. I'm hoping Gunther will also be able to help by installing a new closet system in our entrance coat closet so we have a better system for storing backpacks, coats, umbrellas and shoes.

I'll try to remember to take some before and after pics for you and hopefully should be able to update this at the end of the week with our successes and issues and set out a new challenge for the following week.

Please feel free to join me. The more the merrier I always say ;)

I Thought I Loved You...

2011-08-13T14:58:00.001-07:00

I thought I loved you when we were first dating. I couldn't get enough of you and you turned me on something fierce. I thought you were funny and sweet and very cute and I wanted to marry you pretty much from day one. I couldn't wait to be with you every third weekend and was so happy when we finally moved in together.

I thought I loved you when we got married. You were so cute in your new suit, both of us sweating in the heat and you swatting away the bees during our wedding photos. You were so patient with me and my grumbling and you'd even given in and let me jump start our plans to have children because you knew how much it meant to me. I couldn't wait for us to be parents.

I thought I loved you when I saw you holding our baby girl the first time. I swear my heart felt too big for my body and I thought you hung the moon that day. I couldn't believe we'd really made this amazing little person together and that together we would watch her grow and become this being who was half of me and half of you. I couldn't wait for us to be a family.

I thought I loved you when Chloe was born. You were so good with Sarah and so patient with me and my depression and anxiety afterwards. Somehow you stuck it out with me through our miscarriage and two years of my being a total nutjob about trying to get pregnant not to mention the ton of weight I put on in the process and you still loved me. You still made me feel as sexy and wonderful as when we first met. I couldn't wait for the kids to get older so we could spend more time together.

I thought I loved you this morning when I came back to bed just as you were getting up. My throat was sore and my ear is still bothering me and I was so tired and feeling just a wee bit miserable and instead of going off to take your shower you came and spooned behind me and helped with my ear drops and scratched my back the way you know I like it and I thought about how stupid I was to think I loved you then because it doesn't even come close to how much I love you now. And I can't wait for us to grow old together.

There Will Come A Day

2011-08-01T07:18:00.000-07:00

There will come a day:

when toys no longer litter my living room floor
when it won't be a fight to get the girls to give up their stuffed toys
when I'll only have to do laundry once a week because it'll just be G and Me
when I can run out the door any time of day without worrying about a babysitter
when we won't need a booster seat in the car
when G and I will go on holidays without the kids
when the kids will go on holidays without us
when I'll only have one lunch to pack on weekdays
when I won't hear someone complain about what I made for supper
when my girls will sleep in ever later than their father (though this may never happen)
when I will never hear the words "I'm bored."
when I won't listen to fighting all day long
when I won't listen to whining all day long
when I won't have to apply medical creams on other people
when I won't have to disinfect scrapes and kiss booboos
when amateur crafts will not be found all over my house
when the kitchen chairs will all be clean and there won't be crumbs under the table
when I won't get "you're the best Mom EVER" just for buying them an extra Smurf toy at McDonalds
when I won't be able to get hugs and kisses on demand
when I'll check the display on the phone when it rings hoping it's one of the girls
when I'll look forward to holidays because it'll mean they'll come home
when Gunther and I can sit at our puzzle and reflect about our lives together and know that it was a good one.

Because it is... very good indeed.

Cleaning Schedule

2011-07-27T08:26:00.000-07:00

Do you have a cleaning schedule? I think I might need one. It seems that I can never quite catch up and every morning I look at the house and I'm at a bit of a loss as to where to start. There is of course the laundry to be put away (we have Time Of Use billing so I do laundry in the evenings) and the dishwasher to empty (TOU again), but after that, it simply becomes a question of where the house is most desperate for attention and things that need to get done get missed.

So, I'm thinking of trying out a schedule. This is what I've come up with so far:

Mondays: Meals Planning, Groceries

Tuesdays: Bathrooms

Wednesdays: Main floor dusting/vacuuming/Floor washing/water plants

Thursdays: Upper floor dusting/vacuuming/stairs

Friday: Decluttering project/laundry room/vacuum kitchen floor

Saturday: Laundry (Bedding)

Sunday: yard work

So what am I missing? Do you have a cleaning schedule? How does it work for you?

Terror In the Weeds

2011-07-20T07:24:00.000-07:00

My backyard is a disaster.

We decided to put in a series of walled gardens and patios with the same stones we have on the driveway and pathway up to the backyard and we did get 1/3 of the job done three summers ago. It looks quite nice. The rest of the backyard is a nightmarish collection of weeds and stacked stones that would make Cletus feel right at home.

You see, Gunther is one of those DIY/nobody is going to do it right so I have to do it myself kind of guys. He tells me he actually enjoys all this -- I call poppycock but yeah, whatever. But for two summers running he's been out of commission and so the weeds have taken over. And it seems, so have a few other "visitors" -- the kind that send a chill of pure terror into my heart.

I was out there weeding which given the fact that the thistles would give the great redwoods a run for their money and that it hasn't rained in days (weeks?) means cutting them down and acknowledging that despite my body building efforts, thistle roots are still stronger than I. Gunther and I had done some two days before but the inferno-like heat (because believe it or not even Canada gets heat waves) drove us in after a half hour. But being determined to no longer live with a backyard that only a hoarder would love, I set out on my own again last night.

I was chugging through, sweat pouring off my head but chugging through, until Chloe came to the sliding glass door to ask me for something but instead said: "Hey Mom, there's like a really small baby bunny that just ran by over there and went under the fence." Which really means: "Hey Mom, you're sharing that very small enclosed space with rabid gargantuan mice whose home you're destroying and MAN are they pissed! Run, Run as fast as you can because they're gonna git you!!!"

Which of course is what I did. Because mice are evil and scary and fill my heart with terror.

So there are still weeds in my backyard, albeit much fewer than there were. And I will, despite my fears, set out once again to cut them back so that we can one day, hopefully this year, get another 1/3 of the way through our project. But I'll be scared. And I'll wish Gunther was out there. And I will make enough noise that the neighbours, even those who've been forced to live with bordering the backyard of doom, will kind of wish that I'd just let it go.

Because yah.. I'm afraid of mice. Course if it was snakes it would be a whole different issue. We'd just sell the house as is and move. To another province.

Dear WestJet,

2011-07-15T08:43:00.000-07:00

This year we decided to take our first family vacation. Since my husband doesn't have a passport and getting one is a bit of a pain, we opted to stay in Canada. I have a friend who lives close to Calgary and I have never been to The Stampede so we choose Calgary for our first family destination.

Booking the flight was a dream. The customer service rep was friendly and helpful and explained all the charges and fees quite thoroughly. Our confirmation emails were in my inbox even before I'd hung up the phone.

Checking in was equally easy. A lovely gentlemen greeted us at the Toronto International airport and helped us through the kiosks and suggested that we mention to the flight attendants that it was the girls' first flight. Then it was off to check our bags which was accomplished with a friendly smile.

The waiting room was clean and offered us a great view of our plane coming in and getting hooked up. The girls had a great time taking photos through the glass and where excited when it came time to board. While boarding the plane we mentioned to the attendant that it was the girls' first flight and the captain not only invited them into the cockpit but let them touch a few controls as well. It was without a doubt one of the highlights of our trip!

Our attendants were friendly and generous, making sure we had drinks and snacks and being very accommodating to my little one who was constantly in need of the bathroom. We enjoyed watching T.V. and looking out the window and our plane landed safely and on time.

The return flight was also truly enjoyable. We had another Westjet agent help us at check in and again were able to load up our luggage without issue. Our plane was delayed, but we were kept informed of the time and two lovely Westjet Rodeo clowns came and entertained us in the waiting area. My girls were thrilled to leave Calgary with another two souvenirs (they were given plastic ponies and a bandana by the clowns) and I was thrilled to have them occupied and laughing during the delay.

Once again we had fabulous attendants on board and this time we ordered a sandwich and a snack box. The sandwich was fresh and unlike the Starbucks sandwich I'd bought for the flight out, wasn't the least bit soggy. The girls enjoyed discovering the treats in the snack box and both items were priced comparable to the food venues in the airport.

Despite a bit of turbulence (understandable given the weather) we arrived at Toronto International without further delay and just as when we'd arrived at Calgary airport, our luggage came down the carousel promptly and undamaged.

Thank you Westjet for making our first family flight such a success! We appreciate your hard work and will recommend you to anyone looking for a great family airline. You can be sure I'll be looking into more flights next year when we plan our second family holiday!

Sincerely,

Julie D.

Markham, Ontario

Better...

2011-07-05T07:51:00.000-07:00

I wish I was a better mom. I wish I didn't opt for the easy way out so often and that I worked harder to help them learn more. I wish I didn't get angry at them for just being kids. I wish I could be one of those moms who actually miss their kids when they're at camp or at school.

I wish I was a better housekeeper. My house is tidy (ish) most of the time but I honestly am a pretty lousy housewife. I have no excuses as there really isn't anything else other than food prep that I actually need to do, but I always find excuses and the dust piles up and the clutter piles up and I just can't bring myself to care.

I wish I was a better friend. I have so many friends going through a tough time right now, a death, a surgery, stress, depression, a lifestyle change... so many people I want to be there for and I feel I'm only touching the surface with all of them. I want to chat for hours and hang out with the people I love but I can't ever seem to get it together to find the time.

I wish I was a better daughter. I wish I remembered birthdays and anniversaries and that I made it a point to call my Mom once a week. I wish my Dad's emails for me to search for records for him didn't make my stomach sink. I wish I was able to go and live with them for a week or two after my Mom's surgery (I've offered, they've declined).

I wish I was stronger and faster, healthier and thinner, more energetic, more interested in sex, focused, dedicated... so many things I would like to improve about myself.

Sometimes the work I feel I need to do on myself is overwhelming. Sometimes I accept that I only need to focus on getting better without having to expect myself to be the best. Mostly though, I try not to let what I want to be overwhelm me and I hope that those who love me understand that I am trying, always, to be better.

Judge Not Lest You

2011-06-27T10:53:00.000-07:00

be childless because trust me, once you start popping out the ankle biters you will be judged on everything.

You'll be judged on what you feed them, how you feed them, how often you feed them, when you feed them. You'll be judged on what diapers you use, how soon, or late, you potty train, whether you use pull-ups or not. You'll be judged on whether you send them to daycare, to preschool, to public school, to private school, to no school.

You'll be judged on which toys they have, how many toys they have, how often you buy them toys, whether you make them tidy those toys up themselves of not. You'll be judged on their clothes, on their friends, on their activities both curricular and extra-curricular.

You'll be judged on whether you help them with their homework, whether you let them wear make-up, whether you allow them to date, to have sex, to have sex in your house, to drink, to smoke, to use drugs, to get a part-time job, to work summers, to go away to University, to pay rent, to help with chores, to do their own laundry.

There is not a single thing about parenting, during any stage short of full adult independence (and then I'm sure you'll be judged by how often you see you kids, how much you help them out financially and how good a grandparent you are) that is free of judgement. EVERY.FLIPPING.SINGLE.DECISION will be questioned and critiqued. Everything from when to have kids to how many kids to how you'll go about getting pregnant and delivering them all the way to the end of your flipping life will now be judged.

And the irony? Those who are judging you negatively likely haven't had the experience you're going through yet and will, more often than not, have to eat those nasty words and thoughts. I know I did.

So if you're making a blanket judgment on a parent about his/her parenting please don't be surprised if they go off on you like a rabid chihuahua. Because honey, you have NO idea.

I Think, Therefore I Am

2011-06-25T05:58:00.000-07:00

I have a master's degree in philosophy. So yeah, I take this way too seriously and it's a much bigger peeve than it should be. So consider this my pointless soapbox rant and please indulge me just a minute.

I think, therefore I am -- otherwise known as the Cogito argument, was set forth as the foundation of belief in Descartes' Meditations on First Philosophy.

See Descartes decided that it would be a good exercise to doubt everything which he could possibly doubt and he figured what was left must be unshakeable knowledge -- Pure Truth.

So he doubted his senses, because we all knows our senses can lie to us. But the one thing he couldn't doubt, the only thing of which he could be absolutely sure was the fact that he, himself existed because in order for doubt to occur, someone had to be doing the doubting.

But he could only be sure of that fact while he was engaged in mental activity such as doubting. Hence he concluded that I think, I am is the one thing he could be sure of and he built the rest of his philosophy upon that one indubitable fact.

So, you can see how I dance, therefore I am doesn't hold true. You can be mistaken that you're dancing -- maybe you're dreaming or having a drug induced hallucination. Maybe there's an evil scientist playing with your brain making you just think you're dancing. Same holds true for I sing, therefore I am, I play, therefore I am and countless other bastardizations of the Cogito.

Only I think, I am is certain and is certain only while you are thinking.

O.k.... today's philosophy lesson is now over. You may carry on with your now even more fulfilled lives :P Thanks for putting up with my ranting.

Songs On The Radio...

2011-06-24T04:49:00.000-07:00

"I might be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it. Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it. Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me." S N M Rihanna

"Baby if I tie you up, it don't mean I tie you down, I just like to play it rough baby. And if you want to bring a friend, he's more than welcome to join in, we'll have triple times the fun." Let's Play Kristina Maria

"There's a stranger in my bed ..... Then had a menage a trois, last Friday night." Last Friday Night Katy Perry

These songs are all currently playing on the radio stations. These songs are all sung by influential young women. I actually like singing along to all of these songs. So does my almost 11 year old neighbour.

So where am I going with this? Honestly, I'm not sure. I leave it open to debate I guess. On the one hand I love these tunes, love that the women are taking control of their own sexuality and pushing the boundaries of preconceived notions of femininity.

On the other, I'm not sure I want my tween thinking that sex with multiple partners at the same time is blase. Nor do I want her singing about it just yet.

I don't have an issue with my daughters having sex before marriage. Nor do I have an issue with them exploring their sexuality during their early adulthood. I don't however feel comfortable with their getting the idea -- and getting it at this young age -- that bondage, whipping, and menages are mainstream. I'm not against any of those sexual practices, but I would prefer that my daughters get the chance to discover that vanilla sex can be satisfying with the right partner and that sex doesn't have to be a side show to be fun and enjoyable.

At the same time though, I also want them to feel free to explore the wilder side of their natures and to know that they're not freaks or weird if they enjoy stepping a little outside the boundaries of normal.

Sigh... Parenting is complicated.

Dear Chloe

2011-06-23T05:05:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday my beautiful girl. I know we had a bit of a rocky start, what with you crying ALL.THE.FREAKING.TIME. but I still loved you and you got over that so things got ever so much better as you got older. You still whine a lot, but so did I, so if there was ever going to a Mom who understood why you would burst into tears just for having someone look the wrong way at you, it is I. And I love you.

I love that you were never a princess or Barbie girl even though I did kind of hope you'd like Barbies. I love that you're happy to build robots with Dad or play chalk and jump rope outside. I love that you seem to have found a balance between the boy-games your sister likes and the girl-games that help you fit in better at school. Yes, you like skulls -- but you like pink skulls and you make it work.

You are, my love, your own person, conforming to no-one else's view of what you should be and deciding for yourself what is cool and what isn't. You have taken your sweet time learning to read but you've always been pretty good at math and enjoyed going to school.

You laugh often, snuggle like a pro, hug tight and cover my face with kisses. You love your Mom like no one else in the world though Sarah does come in a close second.

Thanks to you I was able to get the true breastfeeding experience and that will always be very special to me. I love you so very very much my beautiful baby girl. I'm so very very glad you choose us to raise you even if we both might have second guessed that decision a time or two ;)

Happy Birthday Baby. Mommy loves you... always has, and always will.

A Tale of Two Sisters

2011-06-15T06:48:00.000-07:00

I have two sisters. I love them both. They both like to paint.

One is an artist. She paints with oils on real canvasses and is very very talented. The teacher at her last art course actually asked her why she was taking the class (she obviously didn't need it). And yet, she doesn't feel like an artist. She won't sell her paintings because she can't value them. If you tell her you like a painting she will quickly point out the flaws or give you that "yeah but you're my sister, you have to like it" look.

Somehow, she's gotten it into hear head that she needs to accumulate thousands of hours of practice before she can be considered a real artist. She's wrong, but she won't listen or accept it.

My other sister likes to dabble. She dabbles in ikebana, in knitting, in baking and, when the spirit moves her, in painting. She slaps some paint on a canvas in shapes and colours she likes and when she feels that the painting is complete she hangs it in her house. She never signs her work because she has no intention of doing it for anyone but herself. Some paintings she loves, some paintings she likes for now and will replace with new ones when she grows bored of the ones she has. She's not invested in her persona as an artist and feels no need to take classes or become a master.

Which leads me to question certain things about myself. I was raised by both these women (my Mom had to work all the time so my sisters were a much stronger influence on me than my mother). One during my younger years, one during my teens and early twenties. And both sisters have, to some extent, shaped my interests, opinions, and sense of self.

So I ask myself... Do I want to spend my life worrying that I am not good enough or do I want to spend my life throwing paint on canvasses and enjoying the effect for as long as it moves me?

Do I want to keep sitting on this book because editing it means I have to submit it and that's scary, or do I just say fuckit and send it in and say: "well I did it, and *I* liked it and that's enough."

Do I keep my photos hidden on my hard drive because I know at least a half dozen professional photographers or do I say "you know what, they're amateur photos but that's o.k. because *I* think they're cool and *I* took them and that's pretty awesome."

Do I let myself rest at my current weight, because this is a comfortable place for me, one I know I can maintain fairly easily, one that still leaves me with a body that I can hide behind when I chose to remain unnoticeable... or do I keep pushing no matter how uncomfortable it feels to have people really look at me for a change?

Do I embrace my awesomeness or do I hide behind "not good enough," "not finished," "not perfect," "not familiar."

Isn't it time to make my life a work of art?

Why You Should Never Ever Ever Let Your 10 Year Old Have A Facebook Account

2011-06-05T15:48:00.000-07:00

It started out so innocently. I had no idea things could get so bad so fast. But they did, and now it's too late for me but hopefully I can stop you from making my mistake and paying the price I must now pay.

Sarah, my 10 year old, has an ipod. She was going through a Smurf thing and I let her download a Smurf Village app because it was free and she was bugging me and frankly it just didn't seem like a big deal. But before long I would be proven wrong. Very, very, wrong.

You see in the Smurf Village you build little Smurf huts and plant little Smurf crops and before long you can buy cute little animals and special potions for Papa Smurf and ponds and waterfalls and pretty trees... and you can do this all the much faster if you also play Smurf Village on Facebook and get your FB friends to send you things.

And that's when it started. "Can I have a Facebook account? Kiki and Jessi have one! Kayla has one. Ricky has one. Please. Please, please please, PLEASEEEEEEE!!!! I need smurfberries!!!"

I tried to hold off. I really did. I hoped and I prayed that she'd lose interest but it just went from bad to worse. And before I knew it, there I was creating an account for her and sternly warning her that she could not accept friends unless I o.ked it and that I had her userid and password and I would be checking in on her.. daily! and then yeah... my 10 year old had a Facebook Account. And that, my friends, is when the real trouble began.

At first Sarah only added the Smurf app and accepted a few friends I deemed o.k. And then one of those friends asked her for something. Something that would forever change our lives. Something that would lead us down the dark dark path of obsession. They asked her for a deck chair in Cityville.

And poor Sarah, poor novice, innocent, naive Sarah accepted the request and created a Cityville account. I was so blind, playing Wordscraper with Tracy and thinking that everything was o.k. It wasn't until Sarah happily exclaimed: "this is just like Smurf Village! It's so fun. Hey Mom, can you send me some more energy?" that I realized what had happened. She'd been sucked in. And there was no way I could save her.

So I did what any good mother would do. I went in to protect her. Oh I told myself I could resist it, I'd just build a house or two, just enough to be able to help her along. And when she asked to put a franchise in my town, well she's my daughter.. how could I say no? Of course that meant I had to keep the franchise open which meant planting crops and making sure there were enough people to buy stuff. And then when it came time to upgrade... well by then my friends it was much, much too late for me.

Yes, I'm a Cityville addict, carefully rotating my crops so that none mature and wither during the night while I'm asleep. Often logging into Sarah's account to give myself more energy or building permits or, when desperate measures are called for, reviving my dead eggplants (damn you eggplants with your 1 hour growth time!!!). And Sarah?

Well Sarah luckily escaped my fate. Pokemon Black and White were released and Smurfs became obsolete. She's now back to wanting to battle and be a trainer and bugged me for a week to get an Oshawott toy. She doesn't have enough Facebook friends to build much so her city is still in starter stage and I spend more time there than she does. Sarah was one of the lucky ones.

But it's too late for me. Please, please read this and listen to me because if it happened to me, after years of resistance, it could happen to you. And if it does..... can you send me a deck chair please?

Odds and Ends

2011-06-05T09:25:00.000-07:00

I'm not feeling the blogging spirit move me so forgive me if this post is often rambling and ultimately pointless. I just felt I should write something and I've given up waiting for the light of inspiration to strike.

So what's up with me. Well, I've lost 80lbs. Which rocks. I'm now 250lbs/size 22-24 which means I can actually find something to fit me every time I go shopping in a plus-sized store. This rocks. This is also one of those set point weights for me where my body kind of shuts down for a bit and takes a rest. It's happened before so I'm not shocked that it's doing it now. Rather than fight it I'm taking a week off dieting and just going with the flow for a bit. I'll kick it back into gear after my visit home to Ottawa next weekend. Until then, I'm going to enjoy some pasta and wine.

I've been busier with Sarah's and Chloe's school than I planned to be. I used to just volunteer at the library once a week for a few hours and was plenty good with that. Now I find myself helping out on pizza days and organizing Staff Appreciation luncheons. I also helped out on Opening Day Ceremonies and will be volunteering for the Grade One School Visit next week. On top of that I've organized the Spirit Club for Sarah and written out the Club proposal and a cookbook for them to sell as a fundraiser (3$ is you want it emailed to you.. contact me a luvinginc@yahoo.ca). So I've been busier than I thought I would be which is good because it's kept me from getting too hermitty.

Now that the girls can go outside and play without me I have a harder time than ever forcing myself to get out and socialize. I'm pretty sure I should be making an effort to form and enhance meaningful friendships, so I do try to get out and talk to people, but truth be told, I often find myself stepping in it and wondering if I'm just better off embracing my quiet self. The funny thing is that the second I've said something stupid I know it. I can see the words dance around the other person's head and I watch somewhat horrified and terrified while their faces shift from open interest to annoyance or exasperation.

There is this one woman at school who's tried to talk to me on at least a dozen occasions and I've done something annoying or ignorant every.single.effing.time. And the worst part is that I tell myself every time I go in that I won't screw it up this time. And yet I do. Diarrhea of the mouth. I've walked away from her mid-conversation, I've repeated the same story at least three times, I've inadvertently one-upped her, I've interrupted her so many times she actually expects it now... Man I wish there was some kind of social skills class for grownups.

O.K. moving back to more positive things....

I'm heading to visit my sisters again next weekend. I'm really looking forward to it. I love my sisters so much. I wish I was closer to my brother but we have little to nothing in common. I actually visit more with his wife (Hi Jen!) than I do with him. The irony is that growing up we were very close. Guess life's just like that.

The girls are gearing up for the end of school and the big visit to Calgary. They're suddenly interested in all things rodeo and horsey which is cute. Our planned camping trip in Banff had to be cancelled due to cougar and bear sightings (YIKES!) but we will take the girls camping here which will make them happy. We also have a trip to my Dad's cottage in Calabogie planned as well as several weeks of summer camp which should hopefully mean that they won't drive me crazy. As Sarah's getting older I can feel our summers of camp are getting numbered so I really hope they enjoy it this year.

Well, that's your lot. Hopefully I'll have something more interesting to say soon. Thanks for reading.

Questions on Atheism -- Part 6

2011-05-15T08:03:00.000-07:00

So this will be my last post on the subject unless I get more questions which are always welcome. This one pertains to how Atheists feel about religion. Again, this is a very personal answer because we don't have a doctrine so every Atheist will have to answer this question for her/himself.

I'm not proud to say that there was a time when I felt very smug about my non-beliefs. In my early twenties, when I first started my degree in philosophy, I took great pleasure in writing essay after essay where I would tear apart and refute proof after proof in the existence of God. I felt that I had transcended needless superstition and that I was above those who needed such stories to explain and guide their lives.

Over time, and reading different philosophers, I came to realize that belief was a matter of Faith. That arguments and reasoning for the existence of God would always be refutable but Faith... now Faith was something that couldn't be explained, couldn't be denied and in the end couldn't be given or taken away by any kind of logical analysis.

It's interesting that the same philosopher who led me to this conclusion (Blaise Pascal) also reasoned that it is better to act as though you have Faith even if you don't than to risk spending eternity in everlasting damnation. I confess that just as I do not feel the light of Faith in my heart, nor can I, in good conscience and out of respect for those who do believe, offer up false Faith under these circumstances. It just doesn't feel right.

However, after reading Pascal's Pensees, it became clear to me that those who had Faith were not foolish or misguided. That they felt something that I simply did not. Whether that something was the light of Jesus Christ or the beneficence of Mother Earth, the power of Allah or the peace and serenity of Buddha, the fact remained that some people felt it on a level that I simply did not and felt it with an unshakeable certainty that permeated every aspect of their lives.

Belief like that is something to be respected and I try to give it the esteem it deserves. I admire those who choose to live by the tenets of their religion and I have the highest regard for those who do it without trying to force their beliefs on others. I confess to even being a little (o.k. a lot) in awe of those wondrous people who embody everything that their religion espouses to be (yes Gretchen, I'm talking to you!)

So, while religion isn't part of my life, I don't disdain religion nor do I feel superior for my non-beliefs in any way. I do wish that people would stop using religion as justification for going to war (and I believe that religion is just a thin veil over the real reasons which are usually financial and territorial) and I wish that those who believed didn't feel compelled to judge and condemn those who didn't or who believed something else, but I acknowledge that those TRUE believers are rarely the people who act this way. And those people I embrace, religion and all.

Questions on Atheism -- Part 5

2011-05-12T05:06:00.000-07:00

So Kim has asked me about Christian holidays and how I explain them to my children. I will start by saying that I love holidays. Give me a reason to buy window stickers and decorate my house -- especially in the dead of winter -- and I'll hop right on board. Nothing breaks up the monotony of winter or helps create memories like a good holiday.

As a family we celebrate New Years, Chinese New Years, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, Victoria Day, Canada Day, Labour Day, Thanksgiving (it's in October in Canada), Halloween, Remembrance Day and Christmas. This year we're hoping to learn more about Eid as Sarah and Chloe both play with two Muslim sisters who have taken part in some of our holiday rituals over the years. I'd also like to learn more about celebrating the solstices this year.

Some of these holidays are big celebrations -- Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter -- most are marked by only a special meal or a fun activity that we do annually. Tradition plays a big part of it as I feel that one of the most important things a parent can give a child is a sense of security and continuity and celebrating the same holidays through traditional activities goes a long way in establishing that.

When it comes to religious holidays, we celebrate them much the same way as most Christians do because Christianity is in both my and my husband's heritage. My mother was raised Catholic, my father Anglican and Gunther's parents were both Christian as well. Gunther actually did the whole Church thing as a child whereas I did not but I was sent to a Catholic school because at the time, the only French schools in Ottawa were Catholic. So we're familiar with the traditions and beliefs that surround Christmas and Easter.

Sarah knows that Christmas is Jesus' birthday (Christmas Eve is Sarah's birthday so she latched on to that pretty quick) and figured out that Easter is about Jesus' death -- though we try to focus more on the coming back to life part -- but for the most part, she doesn't ask about anything deeper than that. Both girls are still at an age where it's more about presents than about meaning.

Of course there will come a time when I'll have to explain and I will speak to them about our culture, our history and traditions. There will also (hopefully) come a time when Christmas and Easter become more like Thanksgiving where we celebrate the holiday as a marking of seasonal change and a chance to gather as a family and bond over a feast.

Now there will always be those who feel that I maybe shouldn't celebrate because I don't believe and those who are offended by the fact that I partake of (some of) the rituals without following the religion. To these people I can only say that while I do not believe, I do appreciate the ritual and enjoy the familial aspects of the traditions. And if you're going to get bent out of shape about my wanting to spend time with my family and share gifts and good cheer with them then I really don't know how to answer you.

I celebrate because I have been celebrating my whole life. It's as much a part of my history as it is any one else's and I like that it'll be part of my children's history as well.

I am also aiming to give my children a better understanding of the world that they live in and that's why we celebrate Chinese New Year (we're not Chinese), will learn about Eid (we're not Muslim) and make a point of learning about beliefs and practices in other religions.

Questions on Atheism -- Part 4

2011-05-11T05:09:00.001-07:00

Today's question pertains to how my beliefs affect my children. I'll speak specially about Sarah who is my eldest and at 10 years old believes in God, but most will also apply to my almost 7 year old Chloe who's never really thought about it.

I'll begin by saying that I live in a part of Canada that has a very large (like more than half the population large) immigrant community. Christianity is not the only big religion around here. Sarah and Chloe have just as many friends who are Muslim as ones who are Christian. They also go to school with Buddhists, Hindus and Sikhs. If you follow the link above to "demographics" you'll see that only 47% of the population reported a religion at all, so we're also not the only Atheists around here -- though I'm sure that not all of those who failed to report a religion are Atheists.

Now there are of course more Christians than any other religion reported, but there are also two school systems in Canada -- the Catholic Board and the Public Board. So, not being Catholic, my kids go to the Public Board. Since most Catholic kids got to the Catholic school, that means my kids aren't as exposed to Catholicism as you'd expect and are more exposed to the other religions than they might otherwise be.

So, all this to say, that unlike my neighbours to the South, I don't have to worry about being discriminated against because of my non-religion, nor am I constantly being bombarded with attempts to convert me. In all my years here, the closest anyone's ever come (other than the bi-annual visits from the J.W.s) was a religious tract Sarah got in her Trick or Treat bag one year (and boy oh boy did I blow a gasket over that one -- I confess I have lost a friend over religious tracts being distributed to kids in trick or treat bags and how I feel about how insanely disrespectful they are.)

Another key difference, and forgive me for this being a small detour from the question at hand but one that I think makes my ultimate answer easier to understand, is that unlike the United States, Canada does not ascribe to the "melting pot" philosophy. We're a multi-cultural society which means that we don't expect and encourage our immigrant families to conform to the existing cultural norms but rather encourage many cultures to strive to live harmoniously together while still trying to respect their own cultural integrity. Think of us more like a patchwork quilt and you get the idea of what we're aiming for. That's not to say that we achieve this, but that is what our ideal is so we have federally funded language lessons for children in several different languages, we have mosques and temples and churches and places of worship galore, we have Holy Day exemptions for some children on special occasions and we try to organize around ritual fasting days whenever possible.

O.K., so all this is to explain why for the most part, being an Atheist where I live just isn't a big deal and why Sarah's friends wouldn't really care that she's not the same religion as they are. I confess that for now, it's not a huge issue facing our family. I do worry that in time, when the girls start dating and look towards binding their lives with someone else, that it might be a bigger problem. However, there are different religions represented in our own immediate family so it's not like they'll feel that merging beliefs is entirely impossible (I hope).

As for Casey's question, about whether Sarah's belief in Christianity leads to her being afraid for her parent's immortal souls (and pardon me for the tract rant again but this is EXACTLY the reason why I flipped out over this tract being in my innocent daughter's trick or treat bag), the answer is that Sarah's belief in God is pretty limited. She believes that God exists and that he's a righteous dude who created the world and that's pretty much the beginning and end of her "Christianity." I've asked her if she wanted to go to Church with her aunt and cousins to learn more and she's said no so we're leaving it at that for now.

There may come a time where she fears for us and that's something we'll address then. I'm hoping she'll be a little older and more mature if and when that time comes. In the end I will do whatever I can to alleviate her fears while still holding firm to my own beliefs. So far though, she seems pretty happy just having her own private religion where God is responsible for flowers and butterflies and Hell is just a bad word you're not supposed to say at school.

Questions on Atheism -- Part 3

2011-05-10T05:12:00.000-07:00

Thank you Monica for your question! I was actually planning on touching on that very subject next as it's always my daughter's argument for the existence of God (and yes, I encourage my 10 year old daughter to make up her own mind and so far she believes in God even if her parents do not). The question is "Where did we come from? If God didn't create us/the world then how did it come to be?"

Let me begin by saying that I accept the current scientific theories of Big Bang and Evolution for what they are -- scientific theories that tell part of the story. We have yet to figure out all the answers and there's good possibility that we're using the wrong methods and models in that inquiry so Science just might not be the answer in the end and I'm o.k. with that. Answers will come or they won't. In the end, knowing where we came from changes very little of my daily life.

I will also point out that if you don't believe in God, God does not become a valid answer. If I said that instead of God I believe that the Universe and Humankind were created by an army of fuzzy pink unicorns you would likely not accept that as a very good answer because it seems not only implausible, but essentially a non-answer. I mean why would I believe that? No one's ever seen a fuzzy pink unicorn, there's no reason to believe in fuzzy pink unicorns, there is no proof that fuzzy pink unicorns exist, have ever existed, and if they existed, have world creating powers.

Belief in God, and in fuzzy pink unicorns for that matter, boils down to a matter of Faith. It's Faith that also leads one to posit that God is omnipotent, omniscient, benevolent (though this is a very modern concept of God -- he was not nearly so cute and fluffy in the Middle Ages) and the creator of all things. So in actual fact God isn't really an answer unless you take it on Faith.

For example:

Q: Where did we come from?

A: God created us.

Q: How did he do that?

A: He can do anything. He is omnipotent.

Q: But why did He create us?

A: Only He truly knows.

Q: How does he know?

A: He is omniscient. He knows everything.

or alternatively

A: He is benevolent. He created us because He is all things Good and Kind.

So this answers .... what exactly? Does this explain the expansion of the Universe in any quantifiable or predictable way? No. Does this allow us to make accurate predictions about future events and how they will affect us? No. Does this tell us why we exist (other than to love God of course) when other creatures do not or why other creatures who existed before us no longer exist? No. What is does give you is the feeling that there is a purpose, a direction, a reason for our existence as a species -- one that makes us special and will protect us annihilation.

Feeling that we're just some random result of atoms banging together and forming and reforming until eventually, over billions of years, they came together to make us does not feel special. It's got to be more than that we say. There's got to be some explanation for the soul, for beauty, for spirit, for consciousness. We are more than just a cluster of cells, more than mere biology.

And that is where our paths will diverge. Because for me, biology is enough of an answer for the questions I have. I don't need an explanation for beauty, it just is. I don't need to know what set everything into motion, I just want to know where it's going and even then only insofar as it possibly affects my life. I need to greater purpose to my life, to humanity. We are because, as far as we can tell, things lined up in such a way that we came to be. What more of an answer do you need?

Questions About Atheism - Part Two

2011-05-08T06:04:00.000-07:00

Today's question pertains to the afterlife. I have been asked once or twice what I think happens to a person's soul after they die.

I will answer that by saying that I believe human life has a finite existence. Not only do I believe that every single life is finite -- that is that we cease to be after death -- but I also believe that human existence itself will end at some time in the future.

This fade to nothingness does not scare me. I will live on for a time in the memories of those that I have touched and shared my life with, and eventually that part of me will fade away as well. I do not fear being forgotten because that is the way of life. My body will be donated to medical research if needed and/or turned to ash upon my death.

I do not fear Hell because I don't believe it exists. I do not fear being turned away from the Pearly Gates for the same reason.

For some this is a nihilistic attitude that can easily lead to existential depression. For me, it is simply how it is. I do not worry that my life has no greater meaning because I need no greater meaning. I do not fear being nothing because I came from nothing and that is the way of it. I don't spend time pondering the great questions because after years as a philosophy student I have discovered that not only are there no answer, but the questioning itself is poison to the spirit. Life is for living so live every second of it for what it is worth NOW.

Finally I would like to say that I don't view belief in an Afterlife as being in any way fantastical. I think that those who do believe have as much a possibility of being right as I do and I would never mock the belief in Heaven or Hell (or Valhalla or Hades or The Elysian Fields). The idea however does not resonate with me. I don't feel the "rightness" of this belief and so it's not something that I can put my faith in. That doesn't mean that I don't respect the fact that others believe differently.

(And again, any and all questions welcome)

Questions About Atheism -- Part One

2011-05-07T07:57:00.000-07:00

I was having a discussion on FB about an Atheist billboard and it came up that there was some common questions about Atheists and what we believe and how we function. Atheism doesn't have many central tenets -- it's basically that you just don't believe in God -- so Atheism tends to be very individual. Some Atheists will agree with my answers, some will not. I do hope that I can at least clarify some misconceptions about how Atheists live.

The first question I'd like to address is how Atheists distinguish between right and wrong. I will begin by pointing out that most religions hold the same basic tenets of morality -- don't kill, don't steal, don't hurt children and animals, don't sleep with someone else's wife, don't cheat on your own wife (ves), etc. There's not a huge difference about the basic right and wrongs of most religions and there's a reason for that -- they make sense.

That is, it makes sense to want to live in world where you don't have to worry about people killing you or hitting your kids. It makes sense to want to live in a world where you're not constantly having to worry about other people stealing your stuff or boffing your wife behind your back. Who wants to live in a world where you're constantly terrified? The Hobbsian distopia of nasty, brutish and short lives does not appeal to the reasonable sane individual. So it makes SENSE to follow the accepted laws of morality.

Secondly, just because we don't believe in God doesn't mean we don't believe in anything. We (or more specifically I) have a strong belief in my country. I love my country and think it's the best place in the world to live. So I follow the laws of my country and share the culture of my country and work to improve my life and the lives of my neighbours in order to keep my country the place where I want my children to grow up.

Finally, I have empathy and sympathy. Not believing in God doesn't instantly turn one into a self-centered toddler. I do FEEL for other people. I don't like seeing people hurt or brutalized or hungry or in danger. I don't want my own children to feel those things nor do I want them to be the kind of people who inflict these feelings on others. I still bawl at those cheesy poems and stories people post on the internet, I get horrified watching news coverage, I feel joy when I see wonderful things happen to people. I have evolved past the feeling that I am the center of the universe and only my feelings matter.

So I do distinguish between right and wrong. Sometimes it's obvious, sometimes it takes more thought and some debate, sometimes I still need help finding the way... but then I like the fact that there are grey areas because the idea of moral absolutes is terrifying to me whether one believes in God or not.

Question #2 tomorrow (if there's a question you'd like to ask me please feel free.)

What's Going On In Our World

2011-05-02T05:37:00.001-07:00

Well things have been busy this past month. Much has happened, much still to come.

For Sarah, there is the creation of the Spirit Club at school. She wondered why her school didn't have special days like PJ day and Crazy Hair day so we talked about it and decided that we should form a Spirit Club who would take care of organizing such things. She got a few of her friends involved and before you know it, I'm writing a cookbook that we can sell for fundraising (leave a comment if you want to buy a digital copy -- yeah yeah, shameless plug). Originally I had planned on helping them with cupcake sales but was reminded that we were aiming to get a healthy school designation -- there is federal funding available for those schools that meet the criteria of being Healthy Schools -- so we opted for this more healthy but labour intensive option.

For Chloe we have two missing front teeth. I often forget and the poor thing is left with the impossible task of trying to bite things off. It's rather cute really. She's also started piano lessons which so far she's enjoying. She is looking forward to her birthday with desperate impatience. She's already decided on an Angry Birds cake (I ordered toppers as this Mom is no cake decorator) and wants Zoobles and Monster High Plush dolls. Gunther and I are getting her an ipod. Sarah's getting her a Vampireology book because that's the way my girls roll.

Both girls tested for their green belts and did very well. I look forward to their getting their new belts on Wednesday.

Gunther has been working on trials for his new system with two major telecommunications companies. It's been difficult with him going to do installations and working late not to mention trouble shooting all the unforeseen issues. I'm not sure we're going to see anything come of this in the near future, but it's good R&D regardless. He's no further along on deciding about the house situation. Right now we're not really in a position to either move up or renovate as we have the final balloon payment on his car due and that will eat into our savings so we continue to wait. I'm hoping we can start work on the patio in the backyard soon.

As for me, I am organizing the Teacher Appreciation Luncheon this year - something I've never done before. I'm a little nervous about it but I do have a long party-throwing history and this is the first one at our school so I'm pretty sure I'll be able to pull off the basics. I've started editing my book again (though sadly most days I don't get much of a chance to work on it) and I continue to work hard on improving my health. My weight loss has slowed down a little bit -- I was steadily losing 10lbs a month but last month only lost 9 -- and I'm trying not to let that discourage me too much. I'm finding that my weight is fluctuating much more these days than it did before. Oh well.. all part of the fun I guess.

All in all things are good. We're looking forward to warmer and hopefully dryer weather soon. My daffodils have started blooming which always makes me happy. The bunnies ate all the crocuses again so I never got a real chance to enjoy them. Hope all is well for you and yours too!

How I'm Going to Vote

2011-04-30T13:24:00.000-07:00

I'm going to vote Liberal.

My reason for not voting for the NDP remains the same -- I vehemently disagree with Layton's support of unionized strikes.

My reason for not going to the dark side is Harper's Conservatives have a lousy track record with regards to women's rights and funding of women's programs.

I would vote Green since I agree with pretty much everything they stand for, but I'd rather see my vote shore up a party I'm o.k. with if it means putting them in a better position to fight for women's rights than my vote go to a party I agree with 100% but who don't have a hope in Hell of getting any kind of political clout.

So there you have it.

Do the Limbo Rock!

2011-04-04T10:54:00.000-07:00

Gunther wants to move.

Let me clarify that, Gunther says he wants to move eventually. He keeps finding things wrong with our current house and he wants a bigger house and he wants a double (preferably triple) car garage and he wants to live in a house without sidewalks. The man's loathing for sidewalks runs quite deep.

Perhaps it's all the extra stones we get from the salting of the sidewalks. Perhaps it's the fact that every year we lose at least 2 sprinkler heads to the sidewalk snow removal truck. Perhaps he doesn't like the little kids riding their bikes and scooters so close to Big Bertha (his beloved car). Whatever it is, this hatred of sidewalks has led him to completely reject the one house I have found that *I* liked, that we could easily afford and that would keep our kids in the same school.

So we stay.

He tells me that he's waiting to see how certain contracts pan out. Contracts that we expected to pan out in September but are still waiting on. To be clear we are doing well, but these contracts would catapult us to doing really really well. If they ever pan out that is.

It's also clear that we can't sell the house as it is. The backyard patio remains unfinished due to the dislocated shoulder incident of 2010, the shower needs fixing, the tiles in the bedroom need grouting, the floor in the basement needs sealing... let's just say there'd be plenty we'd have to do to get the biggest bang for out buck for this house. Things only Gunther can do and things he seems very happy to keep putting off.

So we stay.

The other day we were at Costco and he saw some lights he liked. He asked me if I thought they'd look good in the girls' bathroom and I hesitated. He thought I didn't like the lights so he said forget it. Then I explained that I wasn't sinking any more money into this house until we made the call about whether we were leaving or not. He agreed that that was a smart move. And we haven't discussed it since.

So for now, we still stay.

For the record, I'm perfectly happy staying here. He's the one who wants to move, yet every time I've dragged him to a model home or suggested we investigate a builder he's balked. He wants to wait he says. He's not in a hurry he says. And so nothing gets fixed and months go by and it becomes harder and harder to imagine ever actually leaving.

And so... we stay.

What's A Poor Lefty To Do?

2011-03-28T09:59:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty much what you would call a socialist. I support social programs, free healthcare, environmental responsibility, same sex marriage, full access to free abortion, fully subsidized education for primary and secondary levels and lots of grants and loans for post-secondary students, welfare program, employment insurance, etc. etc.

Yes it means lots of taxes. Yes we're in one of the highest tax brackets and yes I pay an s-load in taxes every year but....

I've had three hospital stays with intensive medical procedures in the last 10 years and it's cost me nothing.

I live on a street lined with trees in a city where every residential street is lined with trees.

There are 5 parks within easy walking distance to my house and another 5 if I don't mind walking a bit longer or cycling.

My city recycles glass, paper, aluminum, plastic, scraps, bones, diapers, butcher paper, popcorn bags, etc with free weekly pickups and several recycling depots open to the public.

My kids are in a brand new school and thanks to start-up grants I have yet to pay a single penny in school supplies (Sarah is in grade 5).

My kids are learning French in a French immersion program and it isn't costing me a penny.

I know of at least 2 food banks and 2 women's shelters in my area.

I live within 10 kms of a brand new community centre/library and a recently fully renovated community centre/library.

My kids are able to go to funded summer camp programs run through the city that cost me less than $150 a week.

So yeah, I pay more in taxes than many but given what I get for them, I'm fairly happy with the trade.

Now I say this to explain that I'm a full fledged Lefty living in a country where the current powers that be are the Right-wing party. But see, I live in Canada where even the Right isn't anywhere near the Sarah Palins or Glenn Becks to the south. Canadian Righties are pretty much like American Democrats. Least that's how my friend Jenn explains it.

But the problem is, our government is a minority government which means that every couple of years the other parties force an early election.. which they've gone ahead and done again last week. So instead of an election in another two years, we're looking at an election in another two months. Sucks because elections are freaking expensive and a total PITA.

So once again, I have to choose. In the past my choice has always been between the Liberals and the NDP. I like the philosophy of the New Democrat Party but in recent years find myself really disliking the NDPs support of unionized strikes. I'm finding myself rather anti-strike after recent events - transportation strikes bringing Ottawa to a halt and putting many in danger, garbage strikes in Toronto putting the health and economy of our great city at risk - and, much as it's unreasonable and unfair, Jack Layton gives me the willies.

Which means I should be well and truly behind Ignatieff. I confess, had he run in the previous election I would most certainly have voted for him because he's just the kind of guy I like -- smart, cosmopolitan, educated, smooth. I honestly have nothing against him or his party which would turn my vote away....

And yet.. for all that I disliked Stephen Harper, my dislike has, over the last four years, turned to ambivalence. He seems to be doing a pretty good job. We've weathered the economic storm better than any other country on the planet. We've still got free health care and new schools and we're getting neat tax breaks that I feel are socially and fiscally important (income splitting for seniors, arts and fitness credits for children). I'm not thrilled about the recent morality issues, but I don't think that any one party is any worse than the other in that department.

So I need some convincing. I don't like the idea of the coalition government between the Liberals, NDP and Bloc because I don't like the Bloc but I have no big issues with a Liberal/NDP coalition. I also don't have that visceral disgust at the idea of Harper sticking it out where he is now (though please if he does get voted in let it be a majority because I just can't face another election two years from now!) which is a HUGE change from how I felt about him in previous elections.

What are your thoughts? I find myself completely undecided knowing only that I won't be voting NDP or Bloc... but then the Bloc was a no-brainer.

Great Mom

2011-03-24T05:20:00.000-07:00

I was making pancakes last night for the girls' lunches and packing up their snacks when Gunther came and hugged me from behind and told me: "you're a great mom!"

And you know what? I am. I really am. For a long time I felt like a mediocre Mom, some days an acceptable Mom. On bad days the world's worst Mom.. but the truth is, I get it right more often than not now that the kids are older. This stage is a good stage for me.

Maybe it's because it's just easier period. The trials of toddlerhood are long behind us and the turbulent teen years are still too far ahead to be of great concern. Maybe it's just easy to be their Mom right now.

Or maybe I just RoCk! Likely it's a bit of both :)

Wrapping It Up

2011-03-01T10:17:00.000-08:00

So it's March which means I'm back to being able to shop in full force. I had a few slips (Wal-mart T-Shirts, Bookfair books) and a few passes (birthday presents, two items I bought when I was on my trip home) as well as the fact that I didn't really watch my food buying, but all in all it was an educational and challenging experience.

We did spend money on non-physical things that I didn't count as well: camp this summer (early registration saves us 10%) and flights to Calgary this summer (wanted to book in while it was still cheap) so ironically my VISA bill is higher than normal this month. Such is life I guess.

Things I plan on buying now that I can?

an aerobics step and some new weights (the 3 pounders aren't cutting it anymore)
books!!! a few of my favourite authors have new ones out but I'm going to try to wait and get them for my Easter basket... we'll see how I do with that one

And that's it. Those are the only things that I really want and with #2 well I'm willing to wait.

Soooo....

On to the Real Food Challenge for March which I'll be blogging about at Just Eat It Already. This one is going to be tough!

Home Stretch Stumble.

2011-02-25T05:10:00.000-08:00

I stumbled yesterday. Despite the fact (or maybe because of it?) that I only have a few days of the No Buy February challenge left I bought some books at the school book fair for Chloe.

I really wanted books at her level and we don't have many. That doesn't mean I couldn't have just written my own or found something to print out online. I caved to the pretty hardcover pages and detachable pirate hat and stickers. Reading is such a challenge for my girls that I'm a pushover when they actually ask for books. Crud.

So two big fails for far. One was the Wal-Mart T-Shirt incident. One was the books at the book fair. Oh Gunther did bring back the hard drive to Costco after all. I know that doesn't cancel out the book fair blunder, but I wanted to let you know just the same.

I confess I have a little list of things I want to buy on March 1st... but strangely enough, it's not quite as long as I thought it would be. That's something I guess.

10 Simple Things You Can Do To Waste Less Food

2011-02-24T05:24:00.000-08:00

I confess that between my healthier lifestyle change (over 50lbs lost so far!) and my gradual shift to organic and local food sources/products, I have become somewhat obsessed with food.

I'm looking at food a whole new way, from production, to transportation, to storage, to consumption and yes, to disposal as well.

There's a commercial on T.V. for Ziploc that claims that Canadians throw out more than $500 worth of food a year. I think that's an understimation. According to this source, we waste over 210 million kilograms of food per year in Toronto alone. Think about that.

Food prices are rising. We're warned that food shortages are immenent and in some places a fact of life. And yet, we continue to treat food as it it was a disposable commodity.

But we can change that, even in small ways. We can find ways that will waste less food and waste less money and, ultimately create less waste in our landfills.

I suggest these 10 simple changes (and you don't have to do all 10 to see a difference) to help you create less waste in your kitchen.

Just Eat It. This sounds simple doesn't it. The part that makes it a challenge is that sometimes we don't "feel" like beans or chicken or an apple. Sometimes eating it means having the same meal twice and even three times in a row. Sometimes just eating it means listening to complaints from the kids or spouses. There was a time when you just ate what was put before you. You didn't expect every single meal to be a party in your mouth. Sometimes you ate it because it was healthy and good for you, sometimes you ate it because that's all Mom had time to cook and sometimes you ate it because it was going to go bad if you didn't. But we ate it.
Pack leftovers for lunches. Sure your kids probably don't have access to a microwave at school but that doesn't mean they can't have the leftover salad in a small container as part of their meal. And chances are at least you or your spouse will have access to a kitchen at work so one of you can take the leftovers. Once you get used to it, it won't bother you anymore. And if it does... suck it up princess. You bought it, you made it, you should eat it.
Cook less. There's no reason to be cooking huge portions of food unless you are planning on packing the leftovers for lunch. Even then, try to make sure you're only cooking as much as you need. Don't be afraid to run short of food because if you do, there's always dessert or a piece of after dinner cheese or a nice fruit that you can eat to finish filling you up. You'll eat less, waste less and feel better.
Plan your meals and make a grocery list. Really, this is a no-brainer. How many times do you need to wander back and forth across the grocery store looking for inspiration before you realise that you're wasting time, money and energy? And chances are you're going to forget something and be back at the grocery store in two days where you will buy stuff you don't need and likely will end up trashing. I use a spiral notebook but use whatever works for you. NEVER go into a grocery store unprepared.
Use as much of something as you can. Having an orange for a snack? Zest it first and keep the zest for a muffin/cooking/stew recipe. Eating some celery? Save the leaves for soup. Kids won't eat crust? Cut them off before making the sandwich, air dry them and then grind them up into breadcrumbs or make croutons out of them. Need to peel a carrot? Save the shavings for carrot cake or stock. Try to think of uses for things you would normally just toss out. Make a stock out of the bones, create soups from stems, enjoy muffins or biscuits made of leftover mashed sweet potatoes or squash.
Use your freezer. That's what it's there for. Just try not to leave things in there for too long. But don't be afraid to freeze bananas or grapes or fresh herbs you didn't get a chance to use.
Eat your peels. I eat the peels of potatoes, apples, cucumbers, peaches, grapes, etc. The only peel I still have issues with is the eggplant peel but I'm working on it. Peels are full of fibre and colour. Eat the crust of your bread too. Once you get used to it you won't even think about it any more.
Use what you have. That box of lasagna noodles with only 3 broken noodles left in it? Use it! That wilted celery at the back of the crisper drawer? Use it. You have the very best recipe resource ever at your disposal. Google any three ingredients along with the word "recipe" and there is sure to pop up some way you can use up the last of that whatever it is. Eat what you have first. Sure, keep a working pantry of some non-perishables but be reasonable. Do you really need to hold on to an emergency supply of food that will see you through six months? Can you really forsee an emergency that would limit our ability to get more food that would last half a year?
Rotate your pantry. You remember when your favourite salad dressing was on sale and you had coupon so you bought 6 bottles? Yeah those bottles have an expiry date on them. If you don't use them you won't have saved a penny -- in fact you'll have wasted money. So move things around in your pantry. Bring the stuff at the back to the front. Keep an eye on expiry dates because tossing food is stupid.
If you're not going to eat it, give it away. Food banks will take it, neighbours might take it, co-workers might take it, heck I've even freecycled food that we didn't like/weren't going to eat. Just because your family won't eat it doesn't mean someone else's won't. Better to give it to a good home than see it in a landfill.

O.k. I'll step down off my soapbox now. I will ask however, that if you do nothing else, think about the food you buy, eat and toss. Notice patterns, consider options, and if at all possible, waste not and want not.

Coming Up in JulieLand...

2011-02-22T05:59:00.001-08:00

So as you know February is No Buy February which I've accomlished with more success than I had originally thought I would have. Yes I have had a few failures, yes I've slipped here and there and yes, I probably set the bar a little low to begin with so it wasn't that huge of a challenge, but if you knew my spending habits (and some of you do) and if you knew what an impulsive buyer I am, you would know how difficult this has been for me and what a long way I've come.

Next month Not Dabbling In Normal is putting on the Real Food Challenge which I will be blogging about on my other blog Just Eat It Already. I've vowed to make the girls's snacks from scratch for a month so expect a lot of cookie and muffin recipes. I've also challenged myself to eat no more than 5 processed foods per day. I suspect this will be eye openning and more difficult than I thought it would be.

In April I think I will embark on my Spring Cleaning phase and try doing a Spring Fling. Basically I will challenge myself to purge at least 5 items a day from our house for the entire month. I'm hoping that by the end of the Spring Fling my house will be easier to keep tidy. I have no doubt that I can find 150 things to purge. I could purge 150 toys and my kids would still have too many so no worries there. This one I will blog about here.

Finally in May I want to plant an herb/veggie garden. I was hoping to make a square foot garden but there is still too many piles of unlaid stones in the backyard so no room to make one. I am planning on helping Gunther finish the patio/interlock this summer and I will ask him to help me get everything built and set up for next year, but this year I will still have a small area where I can at least plant some things and hopefully will be able to set up a few pots on the patio we do have now. This one I will blog about at Just Eat It Already.

So that's what I'm planning in the upcoming months. Should be interesting and I'm hoping to get the kids on board as much as possible. We're changing as a family. I can see it already and I'm liking the direction we're going in. We might not ever be self-sustaining, but little by little we're going to reduce our footprint and learn how to live responsibly. Very exciting if you ask me!

Home Again, Home Again...

2011-02-21T06:40:00.000-08:00

I'm HOOOOMMMEEEE!!! and happy to be here though I must say I had a lovely trip home.

You'd think the fact that my poor sister was deathly ill for most of it and Carolyne came down with the mystery ailment right before I left would be a damper but huh.. not so much. I still had a great time.

The train ride was great. There was much more talking than I'm used to, seems people on a train are much less subdued than those on a plane, so reading was out of the question - but Gunther had found 2 movies that had digital copy for me so it was all good. I did cave and buy a coffee on the train because I was starting to get a headache, but that was a minor slip and well I said I wasn't going to count food and I count bevarages with food.

When I got there my BIL picked me up and we had a great chat. Drove to their house in the middle of nowhere and I noticed that what had been an incredibly boring and dull place to me in my 20s was now a haven of calm and tranquility in my 40s. I absolutely loved it there.

Peter made a glorious stew and we had an early night. Marie did show me a hat she'd knitted for me and we proceded to felt it. I was thrilled. It's adorable.

The next day Marie drove me into town because she had to work in the morning so my friend Michelle picked me up and took me to her place for coffee. We had such a nice relaxing visit, it was just wonderful to get to spend some time with her and she makes really good coffee :) I was really grateful she was willing to make the drive to pick me up and drop me off again.

Then I met up with my nephew Sebastien and we had a great chat while waiting for Marie to finish working. Then we all headed to the Ottawa Bagel Shop where I enjoyed a fabulous buffet. It was sooo yummy.

Afterwards we went across the street to my favourite health food store Herbs & Spice and I bought 3 packs of tofu burgers because I have never been able to find them here and I freaking love them. Again, I didn't really count that because it's food and I need food (though perhaps not necessarily tofu burgers -- it's a grey zone).

Then we went to Wabi Sabi where Marie's friend made us some simply adorable flowers for our hats. I must say that I am quite thrilled with mine. Wabi Sabi is where Marie took her felting course so Ottawa people, if you want to learn some cool knitting techniques, hit up her friends over at the W-S and do us a solid k? ;)

Afterwards we did some window shopping, hit Bayshore mall where I bought Marie some lipstick for her birthday (I don't count
birthday presents in my no buy February) and tried on a few clothes, bracelets and necklaces. I was really tempted to buy one necklace and one bracelet in particular but I knew I was limiting myself to only buying 3 things this trip and I didn't want to waste them. Plus Marie assured me that if I didn't find anything else I wanted we could always come back on Sunday.

Once we got home things took a turn for the worst :( Carolyne (my other sister) was on her way over for girl's weekend but before she even got there Marie started feeling ill. We suspected food poisoning but later determined that it wasn't that because Carolyne came down with it too on Sunday night. Marie pretty much spent the rest of the weekend in misery :((( That really really REALLY sucked.

So Carolyne and I proceeded to get a little (ok maybe more than a little) tipsy and had a lovely time and Marie joined us for as much of it as she could. Later that night Tom the Cat brought us a lovely dead mouse to show what a great hunter he was but in so doing sadly lost his place in bed next to me that night (I'm not sleeping with mouse-breath thank you very much). Cute as he is.. it was a nogo.

The next morning we took it slow because Marie was still ill and Carolyne and I had some recovering to do so we just sat around, drank coffee and watched the animals from the windows. There is so much wildlife around Marie's house it's amazing.

Then we went to a Vietnamese restaurant for lunch where it quickly became apparent that Marie wasn't going to make it to shopping later. After lunch (which she barely touched) we dropped her off at Carolyne's and C and Kendra took me shopping in Perth.

It took a long time for me to find something that truly sang to me and for a while there I thought I'd be going home with nothing but tofu burgers (which would have been just fine) but eventually I did fall in love with a shoulder shopping bag that rolls up so that you can keep it in your purse until you need it - which I thought would be perfect for those bike trips where I want to stop for groceries on the way home:

And a pair of Birki's (a division of Birkenstock) which I confess to being more than a little in love with. It's terribly difficult for me to find shoes that fit my incredibly wide feet and to find shoes that fit, are comfortable AND are a bit girly.. was just too good to pass up.

Then we went back to Carolyne's and I got to spend time with Elysia and Kendra. We watched a movie called Bon Cop, Bad Cop which anyone who was raised in the Ottawa area as a bilingual speaker will find freaking hilarous! and then took Marie home. By then we were tired so went to bed and hoped that Marie would be feeling better in the morning.

She did a bit until she ate, then the virus was back in full force. We hung out for a few hours, spent some more time with Sebastien and then Carolyne took me to her place for a bit. After an hour it was clear that Carolyne was coming down with whatever Marie had and I started to panic that I might get sick on the train. Fortunately I did not and the train home was uneventful. Gunther picked me up in Oshawa and we all went to Denny's (a special treat for us but I had eaten on the train (packed supper) so only had a side salad -- G really really wanted to go and I felt like a heel saying no after he drove an hour to come get me AND took care of the kids by himself for 3 days) and then came home.

It was nice to sleep in my own bed last night and have a bath in my big tub this morning but I must say that despite the sickies I had a really good time. I am of course still hoping that I don't come down with whatever it was but that if I do I'm much better by next weekend because that's when my nieces are coming to visit ME :))))

Oh The Temptation!

2011-02-15T21:06:00.001-08:00

I'm heading to Ottawa on Thursday. Just me. By train. I'm very excited. I'm also very very tempted to buy some new books (there are 6 at the top of my wish list on Amazon that I'm dying to read!) and a new movie (or two) for my ipod so I have something to watch on the train.

I don't *need* either.. but oh I do so want them!!

It's going to be very hard to keep my credit card in my wallet and not order a movie. I'm going to ask G if we have any blu-rays with digital copy. That might help. As for the books, I do have one Gena Showalter I haven't read yet and a few others that will do the trick I suppose. Sigh.

Another Day Down

2011-02-13T16:21:00.001-08:00

Well I went another day without spending money today. I assembled the girls' Valentine's Day baskets with the items I had purchased before deciding to join in for the No Buy February and I will tell you that despite the fact that they are getting treats for what is essentially a non-holiday, their baskets in previous years contained significantly more loot. So I'm actually o.k. with this.

I'm starting to feel that this is a way of living that I might want to aspire to eventually. I know when we first started trying to eat out less it felt so difficult and we would fail often and then shrug and tell ourselves that we could afford it.

That is until we really thought about the cost to our bodies. The extra sodium, the extra fat, the food that contained who knows what kind of chemical preservatives... eventually saying no to eating out just got to be easier and now we barely go out unless it's a special occasion.

We will be celebrating Valentine's with a special dinner but it will be a special dinner IN. I picked up some heart shaped raviolis that are actually red so it will be fun easy dinner for all of us. I already told Gunther to please not buy me anything. Frankly I neither need it nor want it. And I love that feeling.

No Money Spent in the Last Two Days

2011-02-12T18:01:00.000-08:00

So I made it through two days without spending money (YAY!). There was a split second when I was tempted because Sarah's friends were coming over to work on a project but I remembered that I'd frozen some of her birthday cake so I took that out of the freezer and then ended up making mini pizzas for the girls on Greek Pitas that were also in the freezer (so were the pepperoni slices). So no need to spend money and the girls all got personal pizzas exactly how they wanted them.

We're still struggling a bit with the call of the grill. We won't actually need it until the summer but the thing with Costco is once they stop stocking something it's pretty much gone. Still, we haven't made any decisions yet. As it stands we wouldn't be able to fit anything else into the car once we pack it up with our current camping gear and kids so we might just stick to roasting weenies over the fire. Still, would be nice to have a way to make hot coffee in the mornings.

So that's been the last two days. The bigger challenge will come this weekend when I head home to visit my sisters. I'm sure there will be some dining out and some shopping and I have allowed myself 3 completely frivolous purchases. Since I only have 3 though it'll be likely that I'll be buying stuff for ME instead of the kids and frankly.. that's not a bad thing :)

Survived Costco!

2011-02-11T05:00:00.001-08:00

I made it out of the store only buying food! Dh on the other hand bought a hard drive but he never signed up for the no buy February so I can't really expect him to stick to it. Still, *I* didn't buy anything but food :) So YAY!

I was strongly tempted to buy a portable grill for when we go camping. We're still building our camping gear so I think I may be able to call this a need since we have nothing to cook on when we go camping. Not sure tho. I'll have to think on it some more.

As for the stupid buttons, I did agree to let Sarah and Chloe buy them with money they found around the house which I felt made me not technically the one to buy them. They scrounged up enough money for 3, each picked one and then started fighting about which one to buy as a 3rd so I told them that they wouldn't get any for being so disgraceful and I stuck to it.

So no buttons either. It was a close one though.

Nothing new to report

2011-02-09T17:11:00.000-08:00

Dr.'s appt today. She gave me a pap test and we discussed my results. Cholesterol is good, blood glucose is better but still too high, she halved one of my prescriptions and then gave me an Rx for a new one -- turns out I have a lazy thyroid. And all this time I just thought I was overly fond of napping :)

So that means I'm heading to Costco tomorrow to get them filled which will be tough because not only will I have to go to Costco, but I'll have to stay there at least 20-30 minutes while my Rx is being filled. I'm going to make a list of what I need but it should be a rather short one.

Send me strength. I never manage to get out of Costco with a bill under 100$. Never.

Camp Camp Camp

2011-02-08T16:25:00.000-08:00

I signed the girls up for two weeks of summer camp and put them on waitlist for a third. I'll also be signing them up for 2 weeks of Tae Kwon Do camp and one week of French camp. This, plus a trip to Calgary and a trip to Ottawa plus some camping should keep our summer full.

Camp is a NEED for me because spending 24/7 with my kids drives me crazy. Yes you heard me. I'm saying it. I can't be with them ALL the time for 2 months without losing it. Most days I have trouble being with them for 5.5 hours without losing it. And if I register for camp this week I save 10%. So that's that.

The girls also asked if I could buy some buttons from the critter people. I said no. They told me that part of the money went to providing the critters with places to live. I still said no. My kids think I'm evil.

And Chloe burst into tears when I refused to send her to after school daycare because day care is SO MUCH fun and I'm SO mean that I NEVER let her do ANYTHING fun -- poor dear.

Is it bedtime yet?

Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3....

2011-02-08T11:55:00.000-08:00

I'm 40. If I change my ways and focus on my health I have good chance to making it to 80 which would make me about half way through my life. Of course I would need to take extra special care of myself now because instead of growing up, I'm now starting to wind down.

That's why this year I've decided to get off the pot so to speak and get some testing done.

#1 is blood work that I've been putting off for years because I had issues with fasting. Well I sucked it up on Monday (though to be honest my issues have decreased incredibly after weight loss) and got it done. I will get my results tomorrow. Fingers crossed that I can start cutting down on or even tossing some of my meds.

#2 is a PAP smear. I'm getting it done tomorrow when I get my test results. I haven't had one since my 1 year postnatal appt with my youngest daughter. That would have been 5 years ago. It's waaaaay past time.

#3 is a Mammogram. Some people like to wait until 50 but I'm not willing to wait. I'll take smooshed boobs over no boobs any day. My first Mammogram is scheduled for March 1st.

So that's what's coming up for me. All part of my not hiding from my health and taking charge of being a better me. I'm a little nervous about tomorrow's results but hoping for the best.

Day 7 -- Insidious Scholastic Flyers

2011-02-07T15:38:00.001-08:00

I went to Jenn's to catch up on Human Target today and if you don't know Human Target then you should go buy it on DVD or Blu-Ray because seriously...THIS:

You're welcome.

Add him, plus action/adventure, sexy plots, interesting twists and MacGyver like escape plans and well you got this Julie's attention! The fact that I can openly lust after him without feeling like a middle aged perv is a total bonus.

But I digress...

So I was at Jenn's all day and figured I'd be safe from temptation but I was not let off so easily. You see Sarah and Chloe have recently discovered the Owls of Gahoolool (or something like that) and are quite in love with owls lately. Add to this that there was some kind of critter people at school today and they brought in, among other critters, a barn owl sending my girls into paroxysms of pure joy.

This joy was multiplied when they saw that the whole Owls of Gullygoool (or something like that) box set of books was on sale for $49.99! When the regular price - of course the regular price quoted would be for properly bound hardcover books not cheaply glued together paperbacks - was more than twice that much.

As you can anticipate I was inundated with many "pretty pleases" and "I promise tos" but I held firm and completely avoided giving them an answer either way. That's right, the art of subterfuge I learned from Mr. Christopher Chance up there. Thanks Chris.

So, I did not spend money today, did not buy anything I didn't need and managed to get out of a 30 minute whinefest though I don't kid myself that they won't eventually figure out that I haven't actually said yes or no yet and will renew their bombardments in the near future. Give me strength!

Day 6 -- Strategic Avoidance.

2011-02-06T12:28:00.000-08:00

Gunther wanted to go to Costco and Home Depot. He was going to drop Chloe off at a birthday party and then we would go shopping. Fortunately I'd already promised Sarah that we would do something special since Chloe got to go to a party and she didn't so we took advantage of her little sister being gone to watch Twilight.

Sarah loved it.

And I wasn't tempted to buy anything :)

Now to convert her over to team Jacob! (she liked Edward just a little bit more she said but in all fairness it's impossible to fully embrace Jacob in that horrid wig!)

Day 5 - Tae Kwon Do

2011-02-05T10:46:00.001-08:00

So I'm going to try to move past my abject failure yesterday and hope for a stronger backbone as I move forward.

Today the girls had Tae Kwon Do. They were both informed that they could test at the end of this month ($50 each) and that they would need badges for their uniforms (not sure how much). I will consider this a need for a few reasons:

the girls need exercise
they need the reinforcement of going up a level to stay interested
I need access to the free gym to be able to work out twice a week (which is paying off as I'm now down a little over 45lbs.. yehaw!!!)
the girls are already signed up for TKD March Break camp and already paid up for lessons (excluding tests) until they reach black belt level so TKD is something that will definitely be part of our lives for at least another 3-5 years.

Now I didn't buy the badges today but I will have to buy them before February 25th. So today is a draw I guess.

Day 4 -- Planning a Trip to Wal-Mart

2011-02-04T11:24:00.001-08:00

So my first really challenging challenge will happen tonight when we go into an actual box store. I need some grocery-type things (coffee filters, cereal, green onions, cabbage) and to pick up a gift for a birthday party Chloe's going to on Sunday.

I will make a list which I plan to stick to religiously.

I am consider also hitting Canadian Tire for a new crock pot. This would fall into the need category because I use my crock pot pretty much ever other day and the liner in mine is completely crusted over. I've taken to cooking everything in foil pouches in the crock pot and somehow I don't know if wasting tin foil every other day is really in harmony with this whole plan.

It's going to be tough call. I'm still debating with myself about it.

UPDATE: Well I did buy a crock pot and kept it to $50.00 before tax which I'm proud of. I'm less proud of the fact that I failed to stay on my list and bought the girls some T-Shirts. They were on sale for $3 each (though 5 of the 9 rang up as $1.00 BONUS!) and have dragons on them which is a HUGE deal for Sarah who is a dragon nut.. but we didn't need them. So yeah, my first failure. Crud.

Day 3 -- Regifting, kinda

2011-02-03T08:36:00.000-08:00

It's my father's birthday on Sunday. Unlike most years, I actually remembered with enough time to send him a card. Now my parents are pretty adamant that they don't want us to get them anything. They have everything they need, have more than enough money to buy whatever they want and they just want us to call and wish them a happy birthday.

Well of course that doesn't really fly does it? So what's a girl (especially a girl who lives almost 400kms away) to do?

Well for MY birthday my bro and his family gave me some cash (YAY) and some scratch tickets. Two of my scratch tickets won scratch tickets. SO, when I sent my Dad his card I included a scratch ticket. I know he'll like it, it didn't cost me anything, it's not technically a regift because I did use the original scratch ticket, so win-win-win!

Day 2 -- Why Didn't I Think Of That?

2011-02-02T12:15:00.001-08:00

So we're pretty much snowed in; both by weather and by choice -- there's snow but G went to work. I on the other hand will not venture forth in this weather and kept the kids home as the buses were cancelled. This should mean that my chances for spending are quite diminished but if you knew me at all you'd know that online shopping is a huge weakness and wouldn't you know it? those cyber stores are still open snow or no!

So I've decided to occupy myself with non cyber shopping pursuits such as trying out my new Yoga DVD (bought before I decided to go shopping free for Feb). It arrived in the mail yesterday and I was so excited I showed Gunther who promptly asked me why I hadn't just looked into borrowing Yoga and Pilate DVDs from the library.

I confessed I was a little put out at that because you know what? he has a point. Why didn't I think of that? I could have previewed them to make sure I could do the exercises and didn't mind the presentation, I could have tried a variety of different titles and I wouldn't be stuck with the DVD once I became bored with it. It was a much better plan and there was a time when I would have thought of that but I've gotten so used to just buying what I want when I want it that I didn't even think of it.

I'm a little shamed by that fact. I will tell you this though, when I do decide that I need another workout DVD I'll go look at the library before I go looking on Amazon.

Day 1 - No to Blueberries

2011-02-01T10:08:00.000-08:00

So today is day one of my no-buy February. I did go to the store for milk and mayonaise as we were out of both and food is o.k. so no worries there.

When I walked in to the grocery store they had a nice display with pints of blueberries on sale for $1.99. $1.99!!! I thought was a great deal so automatically picked one up and thought about picking up a second. Then I remembered...

I still have half a pint of blueberries in the fridge

I still have apples and oranges and grapefruit in the fridge

I still have a watermelon in the fridge

I'm getting my bin of organic food today and wouldn't you know it, there will be blueberries in it!

SOOOOO... I put the pint back down and only bought what I went in for. I confess, if I hadn't made this commitment I wouldn't have thought twice about buying it and taking it home.

So a small victory today :)

2011-01-28T14:33:00.000-08:00

Going to give this No Buy in February a go... Though I do confess that I already bought the girls' Valentine's Day treats and cards.

Just 28 days... can you do it?

Caveat: I reserve the right to buy whatever foods we might want/need so long as they come from the grocery store or are in my bin. I don't scrimp on food.

Caveat #2: I also reserve the right to buy some crap while on my holiday in Ottawa but no more than 3 items.

Hitting the Road!!!

2011-01-26T08:47:00.000-08:00

Well not until February but still...

I'm going on Vacation all by myself to visit my sisters and help them celebrate their birthday! I'm going to take the train and stay at Marie's and I will be there from Thursday afternoon until Sunday afternoon!

I'm going to go shopping in the Glebe and try to convince someone to take me to Dim Sum and go to a really nice restaurant where there are real chefs who actually cut and cook the food (as opposed to all the family chains that just heat up the frozen entrees they get) and I'm going to love love love every second of it!

I'm terribly excited as I haven't gone to Ottawa all by myself since I moved up here in 1999. I feel like this is such an adventure. Even when I go traveling to Boston and other places it's always with Jenn. But this time I'm flying (training?) solo!

So excited!

It's Pizza Day!!!!

2011-01-25T07:56:00.000-08:00

The school council puts on pizza day at school once a week to raise money. My kids like pizza and the pizza they sell is whole wheat crust, low sodium sauce and halal cheese so quite healthy really. Surprisingly the kids love it so win-win.

The thing is, because it's not the school itself putting on the event but rather the school council, it's up to parent volunteers to distribute the pizza. So on Tuesdays I go to school, carry a big bin full of juice boxes and pizza boxes up to Sarah's class and distribute the pizza.

This seems to thrill Sarah to no end. It's been 3 weeks that I've been helping out now and yet every time she sees me through the door's window she leaps from her desk and races to me in the corridor to hug me and tell me how happy she is to see me.

It's kind of cute really though I don't like that she disrupts her studies for this grand show of affection and so try to hide behind the door until the bell rings.

Today I need to do groceries. I also need to eat lunch. Pizza delivery is from 11:45 to about 12:15 when you factor in driving to and from the school. I would rather just eat my lunch and go shopping but I know how much she looks forward to my being there... so off to school I shall go, to don a plastic glove and distribute "healthy" pizza to a bunch of grade 4s and 5s. And I will smile because my girl will be happy.

On Turning 40...

2011-01-24T10:15:00.000-08:00

I have recently turned 40.

I don't mind getting older. I never have. I've found that the older I get the less nonsense I have to deal with and the simpler and happier my life becomes.

I remember quite clearly how horrified my sister was to turn 40. She joked ceaselessly for two months that she'd better have a surprise party or else. I think she needed something to concentrate on to avoid thinking about the actual number. She's always hated getting older.

Gunther, the girls and I actually did drive down for her 40th birthday and she did get a surprise party that was rather fun. I myself also had a party though being a neither a fan of surprises nor of expecting people to read my mind I opted to throw it for myself.

Since my friend Cathy was visiting at the time I made it just for my BZ friends and it was a meetup/party but there was cake (Thanks Chris and Jenn!!) and there were presents - the most important being the presence of my lovely ladies - and there were well wishes and hugs and it was the best birthday party I can remember (I haven't had one since I was a kid and being a Christmas baby birthday parties were always a bit problematic).

So now I'm 40. I'm going grey (I have very thin hair that doesn't react well to chemicals so I stopped dying it which actually I think looks kind of neat - I call them my silver highlights), I have developed a few crinkles (thanks to Judy for the wrinkle cream -- I strongly recommend Revitalift by L'Oreal) and I think I might need to get my eyes checked again soon for a stronger prescription.

But, as promised, my life is simple, my life is happy and most importantly, my life is filled with wonderful supportive lovely people.

Tara's card says it all... Forty is Fun, Fantastic, Fabulous and all Fing good things :)

Dear Chloe, (warning: shameless brag ahead)

2011-01-10T09:46:00.000-08:00

Dear Chloe,

You have no idea how stinking impressed I am by you right now. Last night, at your first skating lesson, I knew you were scared at first. I knew that when we'd told you again and again that you would fall again and again that you were a little worried. But you were so brave, heading out onto that rink all by yourself (Sarah skated off without looking back!) and so careful that you didn't really fall nearly as many times as I thought you would.

You took it slow, and while the other kids were throwing themselves into it and flailing on the ground, you just kept at it, far behind but steady as a rock. Soon you were keeping up with them speed wise but showing them all up with your form. Sure you fell -- and that's part of learning too -- but they only had to show you how to get back up once and you never had a problem with it again, never took any of the other kids down with you when you got back up, and never ever burst into tears or angry tantrums.

After half an hour you were doing little hops on your skates, after 45 mins you were skating backwards! I had to hide my tears of pride. I know that I wouldn't have been as tough as you were out there. I'm SOOO proud of you my big girl.

Relax.. you might not know what you're missing...

2011-01-01T10:31:00.000-08:00

I spend Thanksgiving and Christmas at my sister's house every year. She is a wonderful cook and amazing hostess. I enjoy going so very much it's really two of the biggest highlights of my year.

Every year my sister is very busy and very stressed and inevitably ends up behind on her Christmas wrapping so every year I close myself up in her room and wrap presents for her while she tidies, cooks, does errands, etc.

Only this year, well this year for some wonderful reason she decided to slow it down a bit. This year she only decorated half as much. This year she decided to make only some of the traditional dishes. This year she only made a batch or two of cookies instead of twenty. This year, she joined me in her room and we wrapped together.

And as we wrapped we chatted and we talked and we laughed -- oh how we laughed! cracking jokes and making bad puns. We chatted for three hours as the pile of wrapped gifts grew bigger and bigger and at the end she looked at me and said "I knew you were wonderful and I knew you were kind, but I don't think I ever realized how funny you are!"

Which made me wonder... how many things might I be missing because I was too busy to take the time to notice them? How many superb qualities in others were blind to me simply because I hadn't realized that I needed to take the time to see them. In my hurry to get everything done am I forgetting the most important things?

So this year I want to take the time, I want to try to focus more on my friends and family -- worry less about how clean my house is and more about how long it's been since I've had my in-laws over. Spend less time playing solitary computer games and more time sharing my thoughts and dreams and inspirations. This year I want to check in and notice the world and the people around me. Oh and I want to laugh more. Much more!

Inspired.

2010-12-17T12:43:00.001-08:00

My friend Brenda has found her calling. She is so very talented and is doing so well, I couldn't be happier for her. (I'll wait here while you click the link)

She's inspired me to think about what my calling might be. As you know, I've been working on losing weight (again) and doing pretty good so far (28lbs gone). I'm using a fitness site called http://myfitnesspal.com (go there later) and it's helped a lot for tracking purposes.

One thing it doesn't do however, is to give you actual nutritional advice. It's basically a fancy calculator. You plug in what you ate, how much exercise you did and how much water you drank and then it spits out how much, based on those calories, you should lose in 5 weeks.

O.k. it's a bit more specific than that.. but not a heck of a lot.

One of the features is that you can friend people much the same way that you do on Facebook and you have a home page (newsfeed) and profile page also like FB. This gives you the ability to get support and support others.

Some people will opt to share their diary (basically their menu) while others do not. It's a matter of personal preference. I am finding however, that of those who do, many don't seem to have the faintest clue about how to lose weight in a healthy way.

Most undereat, trying to survive on a diet of 800-1,000 calories per day. This is ludicrous, impossible to maintain over any great period of time, counter productive and frankly I believe dangerous.

Others eat nothing but prepared and/or fast food and end up with sodium totals twice as high as they should have at the end of the day. Veggies and fruits are either non-existent or limited to the 3 flowers of broccoli and 4 strips of julienned carrots you get in a Lean Cuisine meal. This is no way to lose weight.

It bothers me. I'm trying to let it go and tell myself that everyone has their own way of doing it but I can't help wanting to scream "You're doing it WRONG!"

Which leads me to wonder if I might not have a possible future in nutrition. The more I think about it the more I shine on to the idea. I'm thinking something along the lines of someone who helps adolescents learn how to lose weight safely before they start trying crazy fad diets or setting unrealistic expectations on themselves.

Something to consider... I need to get my own health in hand first and I will take a year to a year in a half to do that... but then... well what happens then seems to be filled with possibility.

Z is for

2010-11-27T18:48:00.000-08:00

Zenith which means the highest point or in this case the end... as in the end of this alphabet themed series of posts.

Hope you enjoyed them. back to regular sporadic non-themed posts until I get alphabetical again :)

Y is for

2010-11-26T05:00:00.000-08:00

YAY and YAHOO and YIPPEE!!!

I started my weight loss journey 38 days ago and as of this morning I've lost 19lbs!!! I'm so happy!

For those of you who might be worried.. this is not an abnormal weight loss for me given 1) my size and 2) my high levels of testosterone which have always made weight loss (and weight regain) a little faster for me than the average female. I promise that I have been eating 3 squares a day and regular snacks (10 a.m., 3 p.m. and 9 p.m.) and not overdoing it on the exercise. I am taking care of my health first ... this is just a super duper nice consequence!

WOOHOOO (oops.. that was a W)

X is for

2010-11-21T07:50:00.001-08:00

X -Box Kinect.

After looking at few different family gaming systems (yes I know, it's an oddity that we made it this long without one), we've opted to go with the X-Box with the Kinect attachment. One of Gunther's biggest objections to gaming systems in the past was the fact that he didn't want the girls just sitting there playing video games as they already do plenty of that with their DSes.

We did look at the Wii and almost all of the people I asked loved theirs, but Gunther wasn't impressed with the graphics and worried about the kids accidentally throwing the remotes (yes being married to an engineer can be a pain sometimes).

Then we saw and tried out the Kinect and realized that sitting with this game just sitting isn't an option. With the Kinect, you are the controller and nothing happens unless you move and make it happen.

I confess if I wasn't on my weight loss journey and looking for ways to exercise that were fun I wouldn't have even entertained the idea of buying this so in reality it is more for me than the girls (shhhh don't tell them that). I remember trying out Dance Revolution at my sister's house two Christmases ago and loving it even though I barely made it through the introductory level. I'm looking forward to playing Dance Central on the Kinect as I won't need a mat for that and I know the songs used which is a bonus.

We haven't actually bought the system yet because G wants the one with the Hard Drive and he wants to buy it at Best Buy to get the points, but we should have one by Christmas. We have bought 3 games: Dance Central (for me), Kinectamals (for the girls) and Your Shape Fitness Evolution (for me -- but that'll be for my birthday).

I'll be sure to post my review in the new year.

W is for

2010-11-18T09:41:00.000-08:00

waiting.. I'm impatiently waiting for my friend Kim to have her baby. C'mon baby!!!!

V is for

2010-11-17T10:08:00.000-08:00

Vocalist. My favourite female vocalist is probably Annie Lennox. I'm so excited that she has a Christmas CD out this year!

Music is a huge part of my holidays. Growing up my Dad always starting playing Christmas music daily after the first snow fall. I absolutely need music to keep me going through December. So glad one of my favourite vocalists will be treating me to some this year!

U is for

2010-11-12T16:25:00.000-08:00

understanding. Thanks for understanding that I've had a really hard time coming up for a topic for this post.

There has been a lot going on in my life and it's all been mostly good so I've just been chugging along doing my thing and getting us ready for the upcoming holidays which is a super big deal to me.

For my Ottawa peeps, I will have a day to visit with friends so if anyone (ahem Michelle!) wants to meet up let me know :)

T is for

2010-11-06T15:47:00.001-07:00

Time Change. I loathe the time change. I really struggle with seasonal depression and a big part of that is the darkness that falls SO flipping early in the winter time.

So while I anticipate the extra hour of sleep just as much as the next person, it's just not worth it for me.

Oh evening sunshine.. you will be missed :(

Sincerely,

Julie

S is for

2010-11-03T09:16:00.001-07:00

school.

School's been a struggle with Sarah since the beginning. Perhaps it's that she's a December baby and so the youngest in her class. Perhaps it's that she's also immature for her age. Perhaps it has something to do with her wandering attention span and distractible disorganized nature? Perhaps all this stems from being a preemie and it's just our cross to bear.

Whatever it is, it has been there since the beginning, this endless seeming struggle with just keeping up. I confess when I read about other parents celebrating their children's scholastic successes I feel isolated and frustrated. Sarah's smart. She has two smart parents. Why is she not getting this? Why isn't it as easy for her as it was for me? Why is that no matter what I do it just doesn't seem to click.

I confess I'm much easier on Chloe who, for the record, is also struggling. She's just not struggling quite as hard and her issue seems to be disinterest rather than confusion.

In any case, I've made it a point to be more involved in Sarah's school work and it's helping. She's (I believe) doing better. The one thing I know that is getting better is my ability to help her without pushing too hard or losing my cool.

Because in the end, as Gunther who was actually a pretty terribly student tells me, when she really wants to learn something she will. Trick is getting her to really want to learn what the school is teaching her and that will come (hopefully) with success.

R is for

2010-11-02T11:04:00.001-07:00

retirement. My friend J is blogging about her adventures in retirement over at Post Work Savvy. Go Read her blog, Reply to her posts and give her some Recognition! ;) (see what I did with the Rs there.. huh huh? didya?)

As for me, R today is for resentment - I resent that the scale isn't showing a loss despite the fact that I haven't touched the stupid Halloween candy infesting my house; rejection -- seems I misinterpreted the photography class assignment and botched my homework... oh well; and reservations about going to tonight's school council meeting. Fingers crossed that we actually get something accomplished.

I also have relish in that I relish that my new week's GEO bin is coming today, relief in that I'm managed to complete a huge chunk of my Christmas shopping (say what you will but you won't catch me within 5 kms of a mall in December if I can help it!) and refusal because I refuse to give up on my new "Get Healthy" plan despite the scale's obvious plan to reduce me to a sobbing puddle resignation.

And that is the reams of my reasonings on the letter R.

Q is for

2010-11-01T08:49:00.000-07:00

quiet. Now that both girls are in school every day I have some pretty quiet days. Tuesdays I have my photography class and Thursdays I go volunteer at the library, but Monday, Wednesday and Friday are, for the most part, quiet.

Now some who know me only from my online forums would think that I might have issues with this. Online I am very outgoing, outspoken and prolific in my opinions. Offline though, I'm much more sedate and actually crave the alone time.

I love hearing nothing but the hum of the fan of my laptop for an hour or sinking into a tub with a book (usually for hours and hours). I love the days when it's just me and my thoughts peppered with a bit of housework here and there.

I think I need it to balance me out. Yes. Q is for quiet and quiet is quite lovely.

P is for

2010-10-31T08:49:00.000-07:00

party. We had our annual Halloween party yesterday. Unlike previous years, this year Chloe got to invite some of her school friends so we had a stronger concentration of young boys than normal. Now our usual party goes like this:

45 mins crafts

30 mins food

45 mins games

then a movie while we're waiting for the parents to come for pick up.

Well we discovered that young boys can't possibly be expected to do crafts for 45 minutes no matter how well organized so to save them all from insane boredom we started the movie early figuring it'd keep the boys out of trouble and the girls could continue on with their crafts.

And this is mostly what happened. Some girls would drift in and out of the movie but for the most part they clustered around the dining room table coloring Halloween mugs and wooden ornaments. All except my girls who opted to watch the movie.

Then we paused the movie, had pizza and cake pops, played some games and then started up the movie again.

It was the most subdued party yet - rather a disappointment to Sarah because she wasted so much of it watching the movie despite Gunther telling her that time was ticking away and her opportunity to hang with her friends was dwindling rapidly. Poor thing felt a bit of post-party let down. Her own fault really but I can't help but feel that it's a sign that this party just isn't cutting it anymore -- that the older kids are getting too old for it and that the younger ones are of a different bent than our giggly girls of parties past.

Chloe had a good time and I'm certainly not going to complain about the party being easier for me.. but I do think it may be time to reinvent it a little. Something to consider for next year...

O is for

2010-10-28T11:00:00.001-07:00

Organic. I started up with Green Earth Organics again this fall and I'm rather enjoying my buckets. It's really making me go beyond my usual limit and try new things (and make the girls try new things). Some things that we've gotten in the last two weeks that I wouldn't normally buy are:

Pomegranate -- hit with me, not with the girls

Turnip/Rutabaga -- I used to eat this all the time as a kit but don't remember liking it much. Hopefully it'll go over better with the girls.

Pepper Squash -- oh this was heavenly

Bok Choi -- it's in my fridge, need to figure out what to do with it

Mushrooms -- I like them o.k. but never buy them so it's nice to have them and get the girls to try to them.

Leeks -- again, yummy but not something that usually ends up in my cart

I was chicken and substituted the kale, artichokes and yellow beets. I'll try to be braver next week.

N if for

2010-10-26T17:03:00.001-07:00

naps. I love naps. I nap pretty much every day because I'm a sleep pig like that. I probably shouldn't nap so much but I doubt it'll change any time soon.

I am hoping that with weight loss I will have more energy and I won't need the naps so much. Right now though they're my saving grace.

Mmmmm... love naps.

M is for

2010-10-25T12:25:00.000-07:00

Mommy and this is the girl that made me one.

She changed everything and made me reconsider everything I thought I knew about raising children.

I can't count how many times my pre-mommy declarations came back to bite me in the butt. Assurances I made to my sister that I would breastfeed for a year, that my kids would only ever have a handful of toys, that I would homeschool and make baby food from scratch.

And yet, I look at where we are now, buried beneath mountains of toys while the girls go to French Immersion school eating food that has been most definitely wrapped in plastic and I think to myself that there is very little I would change.

I like being a Mommy. I especially like being a Mommy to a 9 and a 6 year old. I wish I could freeze these next two years and make them go more slowly. I know that too soon I'll have a teenager and a whole other slew of assurances that I will have to take back. Because that's part of being a Mom too.

L is for

2010-10-24T07:14:00.001-07:00

Lists.

I love lists. Lists have a way of making me feel in control and organized. They help me prioritize and I love crossing things off a list. There's just something so fulfilling about knowing you've done everything you needed to and now you can relax.

I make a menu and grocery list (almost) every week. I wrote down the details of that in this post. I will be making my Costco list for this week's groceries later this morning.

I wish I was as organized as someone who so obviously likes lists should be but I'm working on it. It's on my list of things to change ;)

K is for...

2010-10-23T14:31:00.000-07:00

Karma. I like to think there's such a thing as Karma though I've known in this life, people who seemed to do no wrong yet nothing but misfortune came their way.

I mean really? who doesn't like to see the speeding erratic lane changing driver pulled over in the speed trap - nobody that's who. But then there are people who seem to get nothing but crap dumped on them for no apparent reason. Where's the justice in that?

I must say though that I have had incredible Karma. Every time I have given something away I've received something else within the week. It's kind of weird. Every time I've gotten myself into a bad financial pickle something's happened and I've found a few extra dollars in my pocket.

I'm not going to question it because hey.. it's a good deal and well when you got it going on in your favour you don't mess with Karma.

J is for

2010-10-22T12:05:00.000-07:00

Jennifer, who taught me more about my camera in 10 minutes during three television commercials last night than my "teacher" has taught me in 5 hours of lessons. And who set this shot up for me :) (remember I'm a total amateur).

Thanks Jenn!

I is for

2010-10-21T10:58:00.000-07:00

Inspiration. My friend Brenda is an inspiration. She has four kids and money is tight. Money is so tight her parents moved in with them and she's supporting them too. And what did Brenda do? She got a part time job working as a Wal-Mart cashier on top of her already full time job as a daycare provider.

And when even that wasn't enough... well she started her own Etsy business selling quilted goods.

Now anyone who's started a business knows it's hard to get a small business off the ground and well Brenda wasn't immune to this phenomenon. So when she found herself with a few extra Halloween Trick or Treat sacks instead of moping and giving up she donated one to the toy lending library for a raffle draw to help them raise money for new toys. Because that's just what kind of awesome person she is.

But don't you worry about Brenda, because her shop Four Daisies, well it's starting to take off and it's going to be BIG. Because Brenda ROCKS! And I'll get to say I knew her when ;)

H is for

2010-10-20T09:44:00.000-07:00

Halloween. Halloween is a big deal at my house and involves a party and trick or treating and dressing up.

I love Halloween. I love it because it's not one of those holidays where you have to dress the kids up in the 9s and then make them sit quietly somewhere and eat food they won't appreciate until they're older.

I love it because my kids have never been the froo-froo type and love dressing up as scary gross monsters and watching scary movies.

I love it because I get to see all the little kids come to my steps and they're all so heart wrenchingly gorgeous and I don't stop smiling the whole night.

I love it because it's the one time a year the Daddys take the kids and the Mommys stay home to give out candy.

I love it mostly because unlike the other holidays, its days are numbered... Too soon will the girls start to think of themselves as being "too old" for Trick or Treating or (please no!) use it as an excuse to dress sexy instead of scary. Too soon will they opt to stay home and hand out the treats rather than going door to door. And I'll be honest; I'll really miss it.

G is for

2010-10-19T06:35:00.000-07:00

gratitude. 45 followers? You guys rock! I really really really appreciate all the support you've given me as I start this journey yet again.

What would I do without you guys?

You're the BEST!

F is for

2010-10-18T08:47:00.000-07:00

Fanpage on Facebook.

I've created one to chronicle my ups and down on this new Journey to becoming a smaller person. If you're interested it's Julie's Journey. If you're not, no worries. Frankly I can't believe anyone wouldn't be bored to read about my ups and downs with weight and food yet again.

E is for

2010-10-17T17:20:00.001-07:00

exactly. As in with this new scale Gunther bought I now know exactly how much I weigh.

It's not a good number.

Need to fix it... and so I shall.

That is all.

D is for

2010-10-16T11:40:00.000-07:00

De Warenne.. as in Brenda Joyce's De Warenne Dynasty books.

I picked a few of these up at Wal-Mart because they were 2 for $10 and I've enjoyed them very much. As I'm always on the lookout for a good historical romance series I was quite happy to discover one I hadn't known about before.

I would recommend them for light reading. I'm especially enjoying Rex De Warenne and his tortured self. Gosh I love me a dark and brooding hero (the irony of my husband being the polar opposite of this does not escape me.)

So pick them up if you find them and are looking for a new historical romance series. I'm on my third - not reading them in order) and while they're not the best I've ever read they are up there with some of my favourites.

C is for

2010-10-15T09:55:00.001-07:00

C is for Chloe,

Chloe came down today dressed in this outfit. It's a lovely outfit my friend Katie made for the girls and they both love it. It is, however, an outfit that is made up of a T-shirt and skort. This is lovely in August. This is not lovely in October.

Now our mornings are pretty timed. I allow about 5-10 extra minutes in the morning for puttering around mostly because I know we'll need those minutes come winter when the boots and snowpants and hats and scarves and jackets come out. So really, Chloe would have had plenty of time to change if she hadn't already used up her puttering time picking out the outfit.

Sooooo.... having run out of time and being unwilling to listen to wails of "But I want to wear this!!!!" we topped off the arms with one pair of knotty legs sleeves and bottomed out the legs with another (clashing) pair of knotty legs leg warmers (same thing) and off Chloe went to school looking like a rather startling funkadelic patchwork quilt, happy as a clam that she got to wear her skulls.

Because that's just the kind of kid she is.

B is for

2010-10-14T05:05:00.000-07:00

B is for banner. My kids made me one while I was away (you can click on the photo to enlarge. It says Welcome Home Mommy and We Missed You Lots undernearth). They do every time I go away though I must say this one was particularly impressive and spanned the whole dining room. They even coloured it in (Sarah tells me her wrist got very very sore).

Gunther printed it out for them and helped them hang it. I've been home for two weeks now and still can't bring myself to take it down.

I'm so very blessed. Hey.. that's another B-word right there!

A is for

2010-10-13T09:53:00.000-07:00

I did this once before and it helped me get out of my writing funk so I figured heck, worked once right? I'll start with associating the letter to something but will likely go off on tangents after that. You've been warned.

So here we go.. 26 days of letter inspired blogs...

A is for Adam, my brother, whom I love even more now that he gave my Sarah cousins her own age. I always dreamed she'd have close cousins growing up like I did but my sisters had already had their families a decade before Sarah came along and my brother-in-laws didn't seem in any hurry to settle down back then so I pretty much figured Sarah'd only have cousins that were much older (though amazingly wonderful) or much younger.

Then Adam met Jen and her two wonderful daughters and before you knew it.. Sarah had two extra cousins just her age. You better believe she adores her cousins and Thanksgiving and Christmas and trips to the cottage are SO much more fun now that Sarah has cousins her own age to play with too.

So A is for Adam. Thanks Adam.

Today's Photo

2010-10-07T13:50:00.000-07:00

There's a corner of my counter that seems to constantly have a tower of cookbooks on it. I pull them out of the pantry when I'm making my grocery list and then stack them on the counter so they'll be handy when I need them during the week. Some get put back into the pantry after the recipe has been made. Some seem to have taken up permanent residence on my counter.

One that is always there is Jane Brody's Good Food Gourmet. I love that cookbook - you can tell because both the front and back cover are torn off. It's out of print sadly as is the Good Food Book which I managed to find used online (that's the one with the orange cover in the photo).

I also have a lot of plants on my main floor. I used to be much better about taking care of them. I confess I need to step up my game on that one.

Anyhow, this photo is of two things I love... plants and cookbooks.

Time Slips Away

2010-10-06T04:59:00.000-07:00

The leaves are changing colours, the birds are grouping in large V formations in the sky preparing to head south for the winter. Already the girls need light gloves in the morning at the bus stop and (Canadian) Thanksgiving is just days away.

Somehow between getting the kids ready for back to school and getting myself ready for England I seem to have lost a month. It just seemed to evaporate into thin air when I wasn't looking.

I've started a photography class. So far we've just looked at the history of photography and discussed things like contrast, shadow, directional lines, etc. Our first assignment was shapes. I kept staring at the clock throughout the class because I was hungry. I decided it would be my first shape photo.

And now, when I look at it, I can't help feeling a sense of nostalgia. Sepia will do that to a girl I guess.